Two Eyes Down

Document therapy

"I am So sorry, I'm such an ass hole!" Demi cries into my shoulder. This has been happening for nearly an hour. I stopped about twenty minutes ago, but Demi has been wrenching her heart out. She canceled her writing session because she was 'going to die'. I'd hope not.

"You couldn't have known. I'm not much of a sharer. No one needs to know that. Or any of my other phobias. Besides my doctors. If I'm told I'm getting a needle in me the other doctors need to hold me down so I can't attack the holder."

She laughs at that, and with one more sniffle she stood up and pulled me with her. Then the hand that didn't pull me into standing position grabs my free one. "I am going to help you through this. I won't do anything until you show that you're ready. But I will do anything to push you over the hill and concur it. And don't you dare reject this because you need help. Your attempts to get over this yourself haven't worked. We're doing this together."

I ponder the things that could come out of this. Soon enough, I find that the cons are pretty much the same. Pros on the other hand, are in her helps favor. "Ok."

"Okay? That's-"

I smash my lips to hers. I don't want to think right now. The first thing I want to do is get used to the little things. Kissing and saying I love you. Whispering sweet nothing into her ear. This is how I'll fix myself to start. The more intimate stuff will happen when our relationship does. "I love you."

Demi's forehead comes to mine as she giggles. "I love you too, Natalie."

Since that day, a week ago, Demi has created document upon document on her computer of treatment questions. The doctor she spoke to over the phone gave them to her. I protested for an entire day, but she said that it would help me. It does, sadly. I hate being wrong. But I've gotten used to them, Demi calls to make sure I do it, if she isn't here. If she is then she opens it for me, sits me down, and puts on the headset that allows me to talk. That is exactly what she did a minute ago before closing the bedroom door behind me. The feature for telling the words to me is obviously on. Otherwise, I'd rot away trying to guess the questions being asked

"Answer all questions in honesty. It is important for your treatment to help with your phobia. Remember only YOU can help you. What do you think will happen with intimacy?" The robotic female voice says into my ear.

"I'm afraid Demi will leave after she gets sick of me. I'm afraid I'm not good enough. I'm afraid of being hurt, basically, mentally. I know she would never intentionally hurt me, though." I respond.

"What do you believe about intimacy?"

"That once you get to a certain point, attachments will develop and I won't be able to let her go when she's gone. I also think that if you make the wrong decision of who to love and who to make love to is a big risk. If it doesn't work out, you could be in deep shit.

"What do you think will happen if your intimate?"

"Didn't I answer this already? I don't want to feel like someone is my life source. If you take away an oxygen tank from one who needs it they die. If you confiscate drugs from an strict, they feel like their dying. It's the same thing in a way."

"What is the worst that could happen?"

"I could emotionally and mentally fall into oblivion. I could never feel again, which would suck because it's hard enough to make connections. I could fall into a depression when Demi leaves me, assuming she does."

"What good could happen from being intimate?"

"I could she my love to Demi in whole and vise versa. I've heard it feels good. Winky face." Yes I said winky face, get over it.

"How tolerable would the result be?"

"I could have a panic attack. I could turn Demi away. I could hurt someone, including myself. I could have what I already deal with intensify."

"Do you feel as if you are stable today?"

"Yes. We haven't done much today."

"What steps are you taking to overcome your phobia?"

"I ignore the negativity that comes when thinking about Demi and I getting intimate. I tell Demi how I feel about things related to the topic. I kiss Demi when I feel like it and do simple things as such to get used to it. But only when it's appropriate so it's natural."

"You have completed this session. Return to your activities."
-------------------------------1-------------bonus chapter just cuz, but since this update is 2 days early, the next update will not come until at least Tuesday. Perhaps not until Friday. Anyway, vote and comment your thoughts and thank you to vintagebvtcxh for voting and commenting and shtuff. Alrighty then. See Ya! Shoot a message if you feel like it.