Chapter 80: Johanna

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"Hey, don't cry" Gale says as we walk back to our room. I look up at him, I should be bawling and probably trying to kill myself. I just pulled out my friend's little brother's and dad's names for a Capitol Hunger Games, and they weren't even from the Capitol.

"I can't just not cry!" I say angrily and he sighs "I did this! Now Clove is going to have to suffer!" he glares at me angrily, as if I'm blaming him. I look away and he pulls me into our room.

"Sometimes people have to suffer, she made you suffer, yeah?" he asks and I shake my head. She never made me suffer, the Capitol and Snow did. "Either way they all need to learn, we're in control and they have to listen" he says forcefully. I flinch and try to back away a little, he's mad now. 

"I'm going to go for a walk" I say carefully and he looks over, longingly, as if I'm leaving him forever. I step out and sigh. I want to go talk to Clove, but she'll probably kill me, so I ignore that idea for now. I walk around the mansion but I can't seem to find something to distract me. I walk back to out room, the biggest of them all, and sneak in before Gale notices. He walks over to me, still not all the way back to normal and sits next to me.

"I'm sorry about what I said" he says softly, but still obviously mad. "I was mad at everything and I turned it on you" he says and he wraps his arms around me with a hint of caution. I smile up at him and his lips just barely curl up.

"Get some sleep" I say pushing him back gently. He smiles and I try to turn on the monitor to watch the Games. The countdown starts and they pan around the semi circle in one of the cruelest arenas I've seen yet. It looks like a complete dirt desert, not a tree in sight, and the only sustenance being in the Cornucopia. I see Martiall, and Clove's dad were set up across from each other and I stare at the screen for what feels like hours until they can run.

I start to shake with anxiety as Martiall basically owns 3 men and a woman with his knives. His dad seems to have just bolted the other way and Martiall seems to have allied with a few of the younger tributes. He looks like he's going to win, being one of the few that actually have experience. I slowly fall asleep with the screen still flashing pictures and video of the Games and dream about my own Reaping, both of them.

My first dream was of a basic Reaping, before I had strategies for winning so I was pretty surprised. I was walking with my big brother, Ramsey and we lined up for the Reaping. They called my name and my brain instantly went into over-drive. I thought about being overly-confident but realised that would make me a bigger target. I walked up, trying to look small and scared and stood there nervously until we were escorted onto the train.

My dream shifts to my second Reaping, where I was the only female Victor left. I was so mad that I stormed up to the stage and promptly cursed the Capitol out until I was ripped away and 'warned' personally but Snow, " to be careful". I immediately, when interviewed, ignored him and tried to change the Capitol's mind. 

I wake up slowly and Gale has apparently moved me next to him. I smile down at him and try to wriggle out from around him. He groans and pulls me close, startling me slightly.

"Don't leave me" he says deeply, obviously angry and I lay back down slowly. I feel an increasing urge to watch the Games and think of how to get out.

"I have to go to the bathroom" I say smiling down at him sneakily. He groans again and I stand up and sneak into the bathroom. I fake a toilet flush and turn the water on for a while. I turn it off and tip-toe to the still bright monitor. I watch as it just now starts to turn night in the arena.  Martial's still okay and it looks to actually be mostly women in the arena so far, which isn't surprising or rare.

"I thought you were going to the bathroom" Gale says angrily from behind me. I look at him and he glances at the screen. I nod and try to explain myself but he interrupts. "How are we supposed to trust each other if you lie about basic stuff like this" he yells and whispers at me deeply.

"Please don't scream at me" I say carefully, keeping my voice low. He rolls his eyes and comes up to me. I look into his deep gray eyes and flinch, his eyes look like Snow's in this light. He looks down at me further, like he grew bigger to scare me.

"Don't tell me what to do" he mutters and he turns away from me "You're starting to act like Katniss" he says louder and angrier. I look at him hurt and shocked and huff.

"Please stop" I say weakly. He rolls his eyes and brings his hand to my face. I fall back and clutch my cheek. Did he really just hit me? I look away, why are the good ones also the worst? I stand up carefully and glare at him. I start to walk out and he grabs my shoulder, yanking my body into his.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asks sternly. I look up at him carefully and sigh. I wriggle out of his grip and he finally lets me go.

"I am going to sleep alone, and if you dare try to find me I swear, you will get an ax in your throat" I say and walk out of the door before he can react. I walk angrily to where I remember the prison cells are and walk through them slowly.

No-one's around, even guards and I open my old cell and lay on the cold metal bed. I think back to my memories and fall asleep slowly, and for some reason I don't have nightmares, most likely because this is only a nightmare.

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