Shoelaces

Stolen Bites

So you know when you're playing Life the board game, and each time you spin, you keep on landing on all the good spaces. Like you get a bonus at work and earn a life ticket for going to the Bahamas. Well, even if you don't, that's what is happening in my life right now. I'm not only saying that because I'm playing the board game with my family and I happen to be beating them all miserably. In my actual life, I've been landing on all the best squares. Lead role in the musical. Dartmouth acceptance. And, of course, Santiago. Bing, bang, boom.

Speaking of Santiago, I've been saying for a while how I've been falling farther and farther, faster and faster. But now, it's really bad. Like misguided stunt casting bad. Like 45th President of the United States bad. Ever since I went over to his house and realized that I was a complete idiot, we've been texting non-stop. And with each message he sends, my heart becomes more and more attached to Santiago De Rosa. Ugh, I know it's cliché but it's all the small things that he does. Like remembering I have a math test and wishing me luck in the morning, saying that he listened to a song from Wicked for the first time and liking it, wishing me good night. I feel like one of those women in those romance books people put at the checkout stands in supermarkets. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

Of course, I wouldn't be Darrion Gubart, unless I decided to overthink everything in my life. Each time I feel myself falling farther and farther, faster and faster, I hesitate. What if Santiago doesn't feel the same way? Yes, yes, I know that he said he liked me a lot. But here are a few things. For one, that was a few weeks ago. He could have gotten bored of me by now. Secondly, I may or may not like him more than a lot, and there's always the possibility my likability is capped at only "a lot." You never know. And finally, the kicker that keeps me up at night is the fact that nothing is official. Nothing is official.

Okay, so, yes, I have no idea how these types of things work. Like zero clue. Like this is my first ever thing ever. So, I expected Santiago to take the lead like he's done before. But it's been two weeks since that Friday, and Santiago hasn't said anything. Well of course he has said stuff, but not anything about this thing we are doing. I mean, the natural order of operations is that we become boyfriends, right? Damn, I can barely even think about that. It's so foreign to me. Really, I've never really thought I would be in this position, but here I am. And I'm lost. When two boys date is it different? Do they not become boyfriends or anything? Or is it more of an unspoken thing? Like we are boyfriends, but we aren't actually. Or we are not boyfriends, but we actually are. Are those any different? What does "going steady" even mean? Is two weeks too soon for me to be thinking about any of this? Is there some amount of time and then it just automatically applies? This is way too confusing.

I've been talking to Jazmine about it, but she's just told me to be patient. Yes, that's good advice. But no, I'm not going to listen to it. Of course, I don't want to spring anything onto Santiago. That would be awful. But we hang out a bunch, going to dinner, meeting him at Roger's after school. Are those considered dates? I guess I just like labels. People in movies and T.V. shows always say that they don't like labels, don't like anything to be official. But I cannot relate. Labels allow me to know exactly what's happening, no room for overthinking or double guessing. Well, I guess you could double guess if you wanted to attach that label to yourself in the first place. But labels can be given and taken at basically anytime, so there's nothing to stress about, right? Right?

"It's your move," my sister snaps at me, giving me an evil death stare. Woah didn't know it was that serious.

"Sorry," I mutter out, reaching my hand to the wheel in the center of the board. Seven. I count out the numbers in my head as I move my little car forward the correct number of spaces. Let's see what I landed on.