Harry Styles x Reader

Lemonade

After you finish binging Monster High, you realize you've been spending too much time looking at TV screens, so you decide to watch Rango on your phone instead. You hadn't seen Rango in a few years, and Rattlesnake Jake was looking real fine. You remember what Harry did when you were obsessing over Katz, so he couldn't know about this. You quietly sneak up to your room and lock the door. Your plan to stay quiet was cut short though, because as soon as you locked the door, you let out a fart so monstrous God would quiver. Could it be from the can of expired beans you ate yesterday? Or maybe it was from the seventy onions you ate to see what it was like to be Shrek. Whatever it was, you were silent no longer.

"Luv? Are you alright?" Harry asks from the foot of he stairs.
"Uh...um...every second you aren't running, Ed Sheeran gets closer," you answer, hoping to scare him off.
McLongDong immediately starts sprinting out of the mega mansion to get farther away from Egg Pooprag. You didn't expect that line to work, but you aren't complaining. After all, now you get to act like Rattlesnake Jake's wife while Harry isn't around.

When you're sure that Harry is far away from the mansion, you go down to the kitchen to get some snacks. You keep the movie playing so you don't miss a second of Jake's screen time. Remy is busy cooking and rapping about killing someone with his poop, you wonder who that could be. You grab some stale whole wheat bread and mayonnaise-flavored chips from the pantry, so delicious.

"You're not actually gonna eat that are you? You humans have absolutely no taste," Remy scoffs at you.
"I'll have you know this was a very popular snack when I lived with my mom. The drug dealers would come over and enjoy these with me while my mom was busy trying to sell me to different celebrities," you snap back at him.
"Wow, you must've had a hard life," Remy sympathizes with you. You don't understand why Remy feels sorry for you, eating snacks with drug dealers while your mom tried to get rid of you was normal, like cheese on a carrot cake.
"Shut up and make dinner already, and why does it smell like poop in here?" You ask, questioning his cooking skills.
"You mind your own business you piece of trash," Remy spits, "anyway, take this." He hands you a strawberry and piece of cheese.
"What am I supposed to do with this?" You ask.
"Trust me, this'll be the best snack you've ever had in your sad sorry pathetic meaningless scumbag life," Remy says.

You put down the bread and chips, replacing it with the strawberry and cheese. Remy was being kind of rude to you, but it oddly turned you on. You shook your head to get the sexy thoughts of Remy out of your mind as you went back up to your room. Only after you sat on your bed did you realize that you forgot to get a drink. You don't feel like going back downstairs, so you take an empty cup on the floor and pee in it.
"Pee in a cup and call it lemonade," you recite Remy's lyrics.
You simp loudly over Rattlesnake Jake since Harry isn't home, he's just so hot it doesn't make sense.

"Ello luv," a voice greets you from behind.
"H-Harry! Um, how d-did you get in h-here?" You ask, caught red-handed. You don't want him to be upset over Jake since you saw how jealous he gets.
"I realized I was running for absolutely no reason other than to benefit the story, so I came back," Harry explains.
"How...how long have you been here?" You ask as your face begins to turn red. Did he see you peeing?
"Long enough," Harry answers, "long enough to see you've moved on from Katz."
You start thinking about what Harry could possibly do next, he sat on you last time. What could be more weird than that? Harry notices how deep in thought you look.
"Don't worry luv, I'm not jealous. In fact, I'd be glad to obsess over Jake with you," Harry says, breaking the silence.
"R-really?" You ask, not believing what you're hearing.

Harry answers with his body language rather than his voice. He sits on your bed next to you and leans in to see your phone. You blush at the lack of space between you two, and start to take a sip of your urine when Harry stops you. He takes the cup and chugs your pee like he hasn't had anything to drink in two weeks.

"Sorry luv, I haven't had anything to drink in two weeks," Harry says as he puts his arm around you.
You watch the rest of the movie in the sexiest silence ever, you couldn't focus on Jake when you had a total babe piece of man candy around your shoulder. Sure, his breath smelled horribly of your own bodily fluid, but you can at least rest assured knowing his glongaschlong is much longer than Rattlesnake Jake.

P.S. #3
Why do I keep having diarrhea