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Chapter 4: if only she knew

"Death is easy. Its painless. Life is hard. When your dead you cant feel anything, you Cant cry, you cant bleed, you cant suffer, you can only lay lifeless. Dead and cold, your once beating heart Cant hurt anymore.....or at least its not suppose to."-Claudia Duarte 2010

Graham was like my ray of sunshine, deadly and desirable. My eyes strain for a presence that isn't there, my lips ache for a touch I cant have, my hands search for something that can never be mine. My dead heart beats for someone that unknowingly took half of it. Then why cant I gather the courage to tell her how I feel? Is the fear of her hurting me, far greater than the need to tell her I love her, that I need her in my undead life, that she is the most desirable and untamable. If she only knew how much she really means to me. She thinks I hate her, and why wouldn't she? Ive made it pretty clear that she means nothing to me but a good fuck, and honestly I don't know why she still stays, why she hasn't left me behind so she can find someone that will treat her how she deserves. I just don't understand how she cant love me, she's not stupid she knows im just going to keep hurting her and yet she stays. Sometimes I look up at the sky at night, and I wonder if graham is too, and if we're looking at the same thing. Why is my heart so cold and broken that I can only hurt the ones I love the most? Despite all the myths vampires actually do sleep, I feel asleep thinking of graham and how we should be.

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