♡ Want ♡

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"You know it's bad luck to see the bride before she gets married." My best man and best friend, Jace said.

"I wonder if Alicia will show up." I wondered in my head. She was the only think on my mind amidst my emotions. I hurt her and I didn't mean to. I wish I would've known what pushed her over there edge so I could've changed. The feelings were definitely there.

"Come on bruh. Stop worrying about her. It's your freaking wedding day!"

I looked at myself in the mirror for the 4 millionth time. I could barely even recognize the person standing on front of me. It wasnt the Hakim Williams that used to sell drugs to make it to college. Not that old church bound misguided little boy who was betrayed and then betrayed the ones closest to him.

I sighed, tears almost coming to my eyes. I wasn't happy. I'm not happy.


hear the sound of your body drip, drip, drip,
As I kiss both sexy lips, lips, lips

I ain't afraid to drown, if that means I deep up in your ocean yeah
Girl I'll drink you down, siping on your body all night
I just wanna take your legs and wrap em round, girl you're coming right now


Trying to remember my choreography I danced around Jeremiah, him just watching in awe. He had never been to a step strip club (so he says) and he didn't even know I could move the way I did.

I threw both legs up around his waist , ending my dance. He started kissing my neck and my collarbone, slowly removing each piece of clothing I was wearing.

Did I love Jeremiah?

Yes of course, but

Did I know him like that?

No. That was the problem. Our relationship was smooth and clean and nice. But that was it. Nice.

I wanted more out of him. Was it selfish?

Don't get me wrong, the sex was amazing. It's like, Losing my virginity all over again. But I wasnt sure if it's what I want. I'm not used to being treated like this and feeling this way.

He spoiled me on a daily and called me beautiful and gave me flowers.. But was it so wrong to slightly feel uncomfortable?


I swallowed the lump in my throat standing beside Marilyn's pastor. The sanctuary was so beautifully decorated. I had to pee so bad. My nerves were I wreck. I could've thrown up right then and there.

Her friends proceeded down the aisle by one, and so did my friends, Jace and Chantel.

I scanned the audience for familiar faces. Pastor was there, along with his wife. He was probably only there because Chantel was there. Since our falling out about a year ago, we haven't spoken ever since. He nodded toward me with a small smile and I smiled back. It was sad that I had to leave behind such a good mentor. He was like the father I never had.

My stomach was in knots as the flower girl and ring bearer proceeded down the aisle. That meant that Marilyn would be coming down any minute.

The music changed to "Here Comes The Bride" and the doors opened.

Marilyn walked out, escorted by her grandfather instead of her father. It saddened me a little because I knew how important it was to Marilyn for her dad to give her away.

She was wearing her hair in curls in an updo pinned back. Her dress looked nice. It was layered with lace and a bustier top. The bottom ruffled out a little bit. That was definitely her style.

She was tearing up walking down the aisle but all I could think about was Alicia. She wasn't there and neither was the guy she was with at the engagement party.

I huffed, barely noticeable and immediately my disposition changed.

Why am I here with Marilyn? I don't want to marry this woman!?!?

Marilyn turned to me with a bright smile on her face. I smiled back haphazardly. I don't love her.

"Can we begin this ceremony with a prayer?"


I didn't mean to be creepy but I couldn't sleep. After what happened last night, I couldn't find a peaceful mindset.

Jeremiah was sleeping peacefully on the mattress. I, however, could not understand why I was so skeptical.

The house was absolutely beautiful. The pool, the kitchen, the living room.

But was I making the right choice with Jeremiah?

He was nice and all, but I didn't know him. His history, his past girlfriends, even his records!

"What's wrong?" Jeremiah startled me, getting up and stretching.

"Sorry that I woke you." I apologized, trying to go back to bed.

"No it's okay now. I'm awake anyways. Talk to me." He motioned next to him for me to sit.

I leaned my head on his shoulder and getting comfortable between his legs.

"Lately I've been really questioning our relationship." I sighed.

"What? Why?!" He asked, alarmed. His heart beat sped up. I ran my hands up and down his toned core.

"I'm getting at the point in my life where I need to settle down soon and I'm trying to figure out if it will be with you or not. I just don't want to get so far into this to where I can't get out and then it's too late for me."

"What makes you question me?" He asked, clearly nervous. His hands were positioned on the small of my back, his fingers drumming nervously on the hem of my underwear.

"It's the fact that I don't know you, your history, your past.. I'm just worried." I said, sheepishly smiling at him.

"That's not it. That is definitely NOT IT." Jeremiah started getting mad. He pushed me off of him.

"Oh really?! Then what is?" I crossed my arms, getting out of the bed and pulling on some sweats.

"You don't want to let anybody treat you right. You want to be abused and treated like somebody's mom. You basically are saying you don't want a real relationship because what you're going for is NOT it!"

I got up and started getting dressed. Not another fight. Not today.

"What do you want Alicia?" I can give you anything!" He called after me but I couldn't respond. I was in tears.

"What do you want?

I really didn't know what I wanted. "A ring maybe! Something that tells me you're not just here to waste my time and use me!" I cried.

"Baby, I have all the plan on marrying you but not right now. I just don't think I can."

"You can't? You can't?! What difference does it make?"

"$40,000!!" He shouted.

"And that's a problem for you?? Jeremiah you are the CEO of a very successful company and you're telling me you can't get me ring? I don't need a big rock! It's what it symbolizes!!"


"And with the power vested in me, I pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss your bride."

I lifted her veil and planted a kiss on her cheek.

The supposed to be best feeling of my life felt like the worst.

I didn't want Marilyn. I wanted Alicia.


This is not the end. There is one more Chapter after this.

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