Rising from the ashes

When for better or worse becomes hell

3 weeks later, after that fight with Ryan and his parents. Ryan said he wanted to take her on a date for dinner. Truthfully this was real date they only had in relationship other than dinner with friends or movies at races with friends. They went to quiet restaurant in an old farm house turned into that and a art gallery. they sat at the table, Ryan proposed to her asking him to marry him. He went to the ground using the words lets get this over with, looking back seem like chore he was going though but his heart wasn't in it. She said yes, she thought is was real, that he truly meant it. She says now one time in the future during a fight he told her, he thought marrying her at that time was the right thing to do.

Weeks passed it was the day of the wedding, it was a short very short engagement. Ryan parents and their friend plan Vanessa's wedding which she had zero say in any of it. Vanessa mother told her she wouldn't be coming that she wasn't feeling good. She told her mom find you don't want to be there I don't want you there. Her dad would've been there if he was alive. Vanessa was sad not having her dad there, it was so rushed. Ryan and Vanessa didn't have any say there was no first dance, no cake, no dance floor. Even the wedding song his parents picked she didn't have a say, she almost didn't even show to the church that day. His parents arranged for photos before and after the ceremony something Vanessa was furious with, she believed it was bad luck. Looking back at the marriage she wasn't wrong. Ryan told her that morning you better look good in your dress, why you got a white one is beyond me. That comment did it right there, she felt something inside her saying this isn't love or real. Why she went through with it, looking back it was for her son and out of fear of Ryan's family. 

Vanessa's dream wedding, here's what she says she wanted, an autumn wedding in a backyard saying vows under beautiful trees with all the leaves changing colours. Having all her and their closest friends and family there. A tent with tables with flowers a dance floor and a first dance with her husband, cake where you get shove it laughing in each other faces. It's something she still wants in the future but knows the unlikely chance of it and that's ok. Maybe one day but she's not holding out hope. She says she's just living for the now and herself more. 

At the church she didn't want anyone to stand or look at her walking down the aisle, she hated anyone staring at her. It gave her anxiety, as she got the front she saw both her mom and brother there. She already told her not to come, she was trying to be happy and this pissed her off. They said their vows everything felt more like they where acting than it was real. The photographer kept taking pictures telling them how to pose, and everything. She wasn't liking it, she felt she was living someone else wedding, his parents or something. The dinner was at the same art gallery/restaurant she had no say on where anyone sat. Her mom and brother where seated at the back of the tiny room they all where in, and they where mad. He mom got mad at Vanessa for this, which she explained she had no say, she wasn't about to get into a fight now with anyone. The night was over, the reality was sinking in there was no honeymoon even, just one night a nice hotel. Ryan promised one day he take her to her top bucket list places Boston and Alaska for a honeymoon. They still are tied top of her bucket list even now 20 years later, cause they still have never gone. 

Four days after their wedding Ryan had a week long race in Florida coming, Vanessa's doctor recommended she not go, just to be safe. So Ryan went with Sammy and a couple other guys, in gifts they had been giving 3000 towards the baby that was the idea. Ryan took it to florida for the race, she didn't fight him on it racing was his dream and she supported him fully. He took the truck, they drove to his parents house so she could use their car while he was gone. In the driveway they said goodbye, she was said saying she rather be going, Ryan said I wanted to see how long how many days we could go seeing each other everyday but you fucked that up. He got in the truck and drove off. Vanessa got into the black luxury car and drove off in tears with what her now husband had just said to her.