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Part 21. Alex

'You have no idea what you're talking about' Alex hissed, not losing an ironical bitter expression cause the patience wasn't there anymore. The explosion was near, it was building up step by step and her face was somewhere on the outskirts of his memory or maybe, just in front of his eyes.

It was all the same.

'All I know is that you are a fucking asshole' Matt uttered with a strong contempt, and Alex felt his hands grasping the upholstery of the armchair. No, no, no, just stop it and it all will be okay. Just stop there and we still could be good.

'She trusted you with all her heart and you threw it in the garbage.'

'Shut up!'

He didn't know how it happened. He didn't know how he appeared right in front of Matt shouting this single phrase and how his hand grasped Matt's shirt in a fist ready to make a punch by another. He had no idea when Jamie and Nick pulled two of them apart because all he could see was the judging, despising glance of his friend and in the depth of Matt's pupils he saw a painfully familiar face. Honey-sweet eyes that from the first impression seemed boring and then, in the black and white spectrum of the bedroom became the only source of tenderness and admiration. Matt was right in everything but he couldn't admit that. He knew the scenario way too well.

But why did it feel so wrong to hear that decision pronounced aloud?

'No, I won't' Matt shook his head to the sides, getting out of Jamie's grip and straightening his shirt. They were both breathing heavily but there was a lot more to the emotions held inside.

'I've warned you not to cause her pain. A girl like her doesn't deserve to be treated that way but you couldn't give a fuck for anything except for your goddamn pride.'

'You sound like you have a thing for her, be careful' Alex threw the phrase like a precaution, feeling that the way Matt was talking about Lili was forcing him to lose control. It felt like jealousy but he brushed it away momentarily. No fucking way. It was over, it was all over with her and...

'What if I did?'

The silence hung in the air for a moment and he didn't believe what he heard. Matt's eyes were ashamed of the confession but daring, knowing there was no way to come back from it. Nothing was strange about falling for someone like her and at that moment, Alex knew it clearer than ever. The answer was a bolt of striking lightning but instead of setting something on fire, he felt the realization making something inside him empty. It couldn't be that way anymore.

'You dumped her anyway, the fuck do you care?' Matt asked with a serious, even slightly confusing frown but it was like punching someone who stopped making attempts to fight back. If that was guilt washing over him, he didn't want to feel it. Lili wasn't his anymore so why that behavior? No, Alex, it's not logical. Matt is right.

'You're right, I don't care anymore' he repeated his own thoughts, even though it wasn't as confident as he wanted to. The anger was a lot better fuel to get going but Matt's words about Lili refused to leave his mind. The conversation became overwhelming a long time ago.

'You're a liar, Alex and it's time to face it.'

Matt dismissed his answer as if didn't hear it at all. He for sure had a lot to say for a long time and Alex knew that Jamie and Nick thought the same. Just because silence is sometimes the best proof.