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chapter 3:

sweet weakness

What's your greatness weakness? Your greatest desire! The one thing you cant live without, your strongest need, it'll drive away all your sanity, it could either make you stronger, or destroy you. So if you ask me what my greatest weakness is, then my answer wont be blood, it'll be graham. Even my dead heart, frozen in time, skips a nonexistent beat. Without her my life is empty, like there's a void, a darkness that always stays with me, yet somehow, ive grown used to the pain, the sadness, I've become numb to it. Love is a difficult thing, you may think that once you find love that everything will be fine. You'll live out life like a fairy tale, problem is my fairytale turned to a nightmare. You always hurt the ones you love, you always end up driving people away, those who you cared about, are better off never meeting you. These people where your family, your friends, and now its like they're strangers. You should care you should feel regret, shame, feel guilty, you should try and fix things. But you cant, somehow you've convicted yourself that you're not worth it, that they're better off without you, that you don't want to hurt them more, that by leaving and killing any chance you had of forgiveness it'll hurt less. But you cant do it, you're too selfish, you cant leave your home, your life, your everything, so you stay. But you still hurt them, somewhere in your sick mind you think its better to hurt them then if they hurt you first. You think that no mater what you'll never be worth their love and forgiveness.....or maybe that's just me. ~clea~ clea closed her journal and sighed. How did things get so fucked up? Maybe things will never go back how they were. Or maybe she just didn't want things to be like how they were. Maybe she wanted things to change. How they were going to change was a complete mystery though. Would it better or worse? Clea had no idea.

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