The Loneliness Hit Me Like a Ton of Bricks

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*****
Light streamed in through the window, settling around me like a protective halo. My eyes slowly flutter open and I groan, squeezing them shut tightly. The sunlight is too bright for my sensitive vision. My eyes are stinging and I can barely keep them open for any longer than a few seconds.

"Dad?" I murmur weakly, my voice croaky and low. I listen out carefully for a response, my body shaking in fear. I don't understand what is happening around me. Silence surrounds me, the feeling of loneliness hitting me like a ton of bricks.

I'm lying on the bathroom floor, my head resting against the tiles in an uncomfortable position. My entire body aches and burns from any slight movement. I glance down, finding my arms stained with dried blood.

It looks alien against my skin.

My eyes fill with tears as reality hits me.

I'm not dead. I'm still here. I failed.

Life is so cruel that it's forcing me to continue with this living nightmare.

I let out a small whimper, angry at myself for not being able to get at least one thing right. I inhale deeply before gripping tightly onto the toilet seat as I attempt to lift myself up. My legs wobble underneath me unsteadily and my arms begin to shake vigorously from the strain.

All I want to do right now is sleep.

My body is screaming at me to give in and rest from weeks, years of being mistreated.

I shuffle over and lower myself carefully in the shower, sitting cross legged on the shower floor. The second the warm water washes over my body, I feel my shoulders slump in relief. I spent the next half hour letting the water wash away the blood off my arms. The entire time I ignore the burning sting, knowing I'm the only one to blame for that.

*****

I clean the bathroom and rinse Jake's clothes, washing away as much blood as I can. My eyes are threatening to close any second and I feel disorientated from my exhaustion. My body sways as I crawl to my bed, opening up my nightstand drawer and taking out the emergency first aid kit.

After bandaging my arms as best as I can, I change into some clean pyjamas and bury myself deep inside my bed surrounded by blankets. The clock on my bedside table reads 10am. The thought of attending school makes me nauseous, my stomach churning.

I pull the duvet around me and snuggle in, breathing in the familiar scent. Barely a minute passes before my body finally gives in and I fall into a deep much needed sleep.

*****

I wake up to the sound of my phone going off, over and over again. I groan and reach out for it on my bedside table but it's not in its usual place. I sigh and slowly sit up, my body screaming in pain. It's dark outside and my clock reads 11pm. I slept through the whole day.

"Wow, that's a new record for me." I mutter. I crawl onto the floor towards my phone which is by my door. The screen is brightly lit up, alerting me that I have several missed calls and numerous amount of texts. I let out a small groan as I reach over for it. My arms can barely support my weight and I feel myself grow light headed. I know I'm about to pass out if I don't rest so I shuffle back towards my bed, phone in hand. I press the home button and wince at the screen. I am so not ready to face brightness.

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