Changes

12

"Jake, can you go get the milk and butter from over there?" Ryder asks, nodding to the next aisle. Zac went off to go get something else a while ago.

I nod, and walk over. I'm reaching for a jug of milk when I see Him.

His black hair hangs in his face, and he's built like he always has been. I can see his green eyes from here. There's someone next to him, someone who looks like Jackson.

My hands shake, and I stumble back into the wall. How? He can't be here, He's not here, He's dead.

"Hey, kid, you okay?"

A tall man with blond hair puts his hand on my arm, but I flinch away, my breaths getting heavy. I feel like I'm going to fall over. Everything's spirling. I see Him and Jackson, all the kisses I shared with them both, how much I loved-love them-but he can't be here, he can't be, it doesn't make sense, and Jackson's in the hospital, and they don't even know each other, and-

"Jake! Jake, hey, it's okay, it's okay, calm down, you're alright, it's okay."

I cling to Ryder's shirt, shaking. "He's here, He's here, He's here."

"No he's not, Jake, it's not him, I promise, it's alright."

But I can't. Everything's coming back to me, our last kiss, our last words to each other, the news of the car crash, the funeral, his dead body, and I can't stop shaking.

"He's...He's gone." Lio whispers, his phone forgotten in his hand.

I'm frozen, not wanting to believe it. "N-No."

Tears fall down my face, and I sink to my knees. "No, no, he can't be gone, he can't be. I need him here, Lio, he can't leave us!"

"I know, Jake, I know, it's okay." He murmurs, pulling me into his arms.

I'm shaking, and breathing heavily. He can't be gone, not Carlos, not him, I can't lose him, I love him.

I love him so much, and my heart is breaking, and he's gone.

"Jackson?"

"Uh, no, actually, this is Avery. Um, there was a car crash on the bridge, and I figured I should call someone to let them know."

"W-What?"

"The guy's name is Jackson, I think-"

I hang up the phone, dropping it on the desk, and backing into the wall.

No. This can't be happening. Not again.

My hands shake. I need to call Lio. No, I don't want to touch my phone. I just-I need to do something. Anything. I can't think about this right now, not while I'm alone. I don't want to be alone.

I don't know what I do, I just do it. I don't comprehend anything until I hear Lio.

"Jake? Where are you?"

I sink to the ground in front of the bed, and realize I'm crying. I don't know how long I've been crying. I don't know why this happened. Why this always happens.

I gasp when someone kisses me. Ryder's rough lips move on mine, his hands on my shoulders, grounding me.

"You're okay, Jake, it's alright." He says, his breath on my lips.

I close my eyes, and realize I'm crying. He brings a hand up, and brushes tears off my cheeks. I'm still trembling, and he kisses me again softly.

"Jake, I need you to calm down for me, okay? I can explain what you saw, but you need to calm down."

I nod, my fingers still tight in his shirt. "O-Okay."

"Okay. That wasn't Car-Him."

"You can say his name." I whisper.

He nods. "Okay. That wasn't Carlos. Remember when Lio told you about Carlos' brother?"

"Y-Yeah."

"That was Grayson. That was not Carlos."

I nod. That makes more sense. He just looked so much like him, and I didn't even consider that, and-

"Jake."

I look up at Ryder. "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry for kissing you. Zac said it worked when he did it, and I you were panicking, and I didn't know what else to do.

"It's okay." I say, still not letting go of his shirt.

"Do you want to go back home?"

"No." I say.

He frowns. "Are you sure?"

"I'm okay. We can finish shopping."

He studies my face, nodding slowly. "Okay. Let's go find Zac."

He wraps an arm around me, and pulls me to him, letting me cling to his shirt.

"Ryder?" I hear Zac say. "What happened?"

Ryder talks to him quietly, but I keep my face buried in Ryder's shirt. They walk around to finish getting everything, Zac pays, and we leave.

When we're outside, Zac tugs me off of Ryder. "Jake, are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I say, looking down. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, you didn't do anything wrong." Ryder says.

"I panicked for no reason." I mumble.

"It wasn't for no reason, Jake."

I nod, though I don't believe him. Of course it wasn't Him. I should have known it wasn't. I was being stupid, and automatically assumed the worst. It wasn't Jackon with him, and now that I'm thinking back on it, I think it was Ace. Which makes more sense.

"Jake."

I look up. "Yeah?"

"We're back." Zac says, nodding at the house. "You zoned out again."

"Oh. Sorry."

"It's alright. Let's go inside."

Lio is waiting by the door, and I let go of Zac's hand to go to Lio.

"Are you okay?" He asks, worried.

I nod. "I'm fine. I thought I saw Him. It was just Grayson, though."

"Grayson? At the grocery store?"

"Yeah."

"What happened?"

"I panicked, but Ryder...helped me."

He frowns, but nods. "And you're alright?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. I'm gonna go lay down for a while."

He hugs me, then pecks a kiss on my cheek before I go upstairs. I knock on Micah's door quietly.

"What?"

"It's Jake."

"Oh, come in."

I push the door open. He's sitting on his bed, reading a book. His hair is tied up out of his face, and he looks over at me, and pats the space beside him.

"Hey, sweets, what's up?" He asks as I sit by him.

"Nothing. I just wanted to see how you're doing."

"I'm fine." He says. "Finn told me Ryder wants me to apologize, but I'm not until he does."

"But didn't you start it?"

"No. He wasn't being fair, so I pranked him, then he dyed my hair."

"What was he being unfair about?"

He hesitates. "It's...complicated. But he knows I'm mad about it, and he has to apologize first."

I nod. "Alright."

I yawn, leaning against him. He goes back to his book, and we fall into a comfortable silence. He plays with my hair, and soon my eyes flutter closed.