We'll Be Okay [Solby]

Chapter 10

"And what did she say?" Colby asked with faux nonchalance.

Sam took a deep breath. He had to tell Colby. Even if confessions were scary. Because he didn't know if Colby still felt that way about him. "She told me... that... she wanted me to figure out what the hell was going on in my mind before anything permanent happened. Figure out if I actually... like, had feelings for you."

There it was. Colby's eyes flew up to his, something like hope shining in them. "You think you might..."

Sam nodded, relief at his response quelling the previous panic. "There's... something I can't explain about you that just..." He blushed, laughing. "Like, I saw you smile at me a few minutes ago and like... I got butterflies, dude. And like, even now, I want to like... kiss you and stuff. Hold you..." Colby's smile faltered briefly at the mention of physical contact. Sam winced. Bad timing. "Dude, I... it's okay. I don't have to have that with you now. I want you to like, be comfortable with it first. I would never make you."

Colby nodded, a faint smile still on his lips. "I know you wouldn't. I just..." His face darkened, and Sam immediately wanted to reach out and pull Colby into his arms. Instead, he slowly reached for Colby's hand, stopping before touching it to get Colby's consent. Colby nodded, and he gently intertwined their fingers, wondering when this had become such a comforting gesture.

Colby was thinking, and the look on his face made Sam nervous. "So like, this is great and all man, and trust me I'm like, so happy you have no idea but like... where did this come from?" Colby's leg had started to shake nervously. "You told me three years ago you were straight. And you've been dating Kat since so..." He looked away from Sam. "Why now?"

Sam's chest tightened, realizing what Colby was asking. The same thing Kat had asked. Why now? "I don't... know? I mean... I don't... so like, I told you I was straight and like, I think I mostly am but then..." He stared at their hands, feeling Colby's warmth against him. "But then there's you, dude. Because if I hadn't been so fucking stupid and... terrified of the idea of being gay then... and if Kat hadn't been in the picture... fuck, man, I don't know."

Colby was quiet, looking to be digesting what Sam had just said. "So... you'd thought about it before all of this?" He asked, "Us like... dating? Being a thing?"

"I thought about kissing you," Sam admitted. "That night, after everything happened. I made it back to my room and wished I had kissed you. But I was... so fucking stupid, and like... I could get stuck on what-if's for forever but..."

"I just don't want you to do anything with me because of this," Colby cut him off, gesturing wildly to encompass everything that had happened. "Because of... trauma, or something." His tone was bitter and Sam instantly knew why, remembering his casual comment.

Yeah... trauma...

Sam cringed. "I'm sorry, Colby," He breathed. "I shouldn't have said that."

"I just... fuck," Colby pressed his hands into his eyes,and Sam hated the tone of honest distress in his voice. "I just can't have you be unsure about why you're doing this. Because I can't handle that right now. Because I'm falling in love with you again and I either need you to be on board or..." His voice was faint when he continued, "I need to start getting over you again."

Sam was frozen, shocked at Colby's admission. He had known Colby had had feelings in the past, knew he had been into their interactions (except when Sam accidentally triggered him), but he hadn't realized the depth of the feelings he was dealing with. Colby was falling in love with him again?

He instantly felt guilty. Colby really didn't need his shit right now. But he wanted... what did he want? Colby. He knew that part. And how... how would dating Colby really change who they were? Their friendship? The only think Sam could really see changing was that he would be able to do all those things he wanted to to Colby. Kiss him, hold him, feel every plane and angle of his body pressing into him as Colby fucked him nice and slow...