Awake - Book One of the Spinner's Curse

Chapter Eight: Reasons and Regrets

    

                          Chapter Eight:

Reasons and Regrets

　

 

          I stood dumbly. Watching the space where Ben disappeared. Hoping, wishing, he would come back to me. He didn't. Finally, I found my ability to move again. I had to explain to Ben. I couldn't let him leave like this. I couldn't let him think I was in love with someone else. I ran down the two flights of stairs, nearly blind with my determination.

          I raced into Ben's room and stopped. It was completely empty. He’d even removed the covers. All the markings that made it his had vanished. Things I had never known I'd noticed were gone. I walked to his bed. Sitting on top, as pretty as you please, was Winston's letter. He'd known I would come and try to explain. He must have packed everything before he'd come to find me. Now it was too late.

          I looked down at the letter, at its smooth clean surface, dotted with tiny hearts. Such a harmless thing, and yet it had brought ruin to the life I had built here. I was tempted to crush it in my hand, to rip it into a thousand pieces, but I knew I couldn't. I would eventually want to read what he had to say. Not now, not when my pain was so great, I didn't want more news of things I had no control over.

          I shoved the letter into my pocket and curled onto the bed. Closing my eyes and pretending that Ben hadn't just left me. I had grown to depend on him so much. He had been everything I had needed to get over the betrayal of my family. Now, without him, I had no hope of anything. All was lost. Once again, I was alone.

          I must have drifted off because the next thing I knew, Pud was standing before me, a bowl of soup in his hands, and a gentle smile on his face. "You should eat, Rory." He said slowly, setting the bowl on the ground in front of me. I shook my head and turned to face the wall.

          I could hear Pud sigh, but instead of leaving as I thought he would, he curled up beside me, flinging his skinny arm around my shoulder. Hugging, offering a sibling like comfort I had forgotten. He continued to hold me like that, letting me cry, until once again I fell asleep.

          It was well past nightfall when I woke. Pud was fast asleep beside me, huddled to me for warmth. While we slept, they’d thrown a blanket over us. I rose from the bed and untangled myself from Pud. He snuggled deeper into the spot I had been. I threw the rest of the blanket on him, watching as he clutched it tight.

         They had also removed the soup. I was sorry for that, my stomach growled. From the hall, I could hear the sound of a storm beating outside. Without my cloak, a midnight snack was out of the question. I was tempted to go back to sleep, but I was too wide-awake. Instead, I went to the washroom, lighting a fire in the small stove. I sat before it, letting the flames hypnotize me.

         I sat until the sun rose, forcing the night's storm into submission. When I heard Pud rise, I knew I needed to as well. I followed him silently to the kitchens where he made me a plate of eggs, and sliced me off a piece of last night's ham. I ate while he chatted at me, until the room was so full of people that he couldn't manage to cook and talk. I went outside, unable to bear the looks I kept receiving.

         Pud told me Ben said his goodbyes to everyone before he left. He’d saved me for last. They didn't know I was the true reason he left. Without me, he would have stayed. They were his family. He would have visited his mother, but he would have returned to them. I had stolen that from them.