Realizations

Chapter 3

Jaspers P.O.V

The last couple months have been interesting, to say the least. I have been feeling this pull in my chest for quite sometime now. I don't know the reason why but I think it has something to do with Bella. 

When she is around the pull lessens until it's almost non existant. When I'm not around her it gets worse. I don't understand what this pull is. The only pull that I know of is the mating pull, but that can't be it. Alice is my mate and Bella is Edwards mate right? It's all just so confusing.

Lately I've been feeling some intense feelings from Bella. When we came back into her life again, it was mostly just fear. Fear of being abandoned by the family again.

About a week after our return her emotions did a complete 180. She started feeling lots of anger and disgust, which was all directed towards Edward. Too say I was shocked at the sudden change would be a fucking understatement. 

The other most common emotion has been jealousy. I don't know whom she is jealous of because it is not directed at a single person, but at all of us.

The emotions in the schools cafeteria today have been extra joyous and excitement, due to the fact we graduate in a couple weeks. Jessica Stanley getting chosen as the valedictorian was a shock. I had no idea her grades were that good. She comes off as kind of dumb when you meet her.

There was one person not feeling all the joy and happiness like the other students, Bella. "Big shocker there". I thought to myself. Her emotions today were everywhere, if I wasn't a vampire I would probably have a major headache, and whiplash.

Even vampires have trouble jumping from one emotion to the next as quickly as Bella was today. She really is an interesting young woman.

I have an uncontrollable desire to get to know her, but the "all seeing and knowing" twins keep us apart. Even when the family goes hunting I don't get to be alone with her, there always has to be another one of us present.

They say it is because of me trying to attack her on her 18th birthday and I have the least amount of control, which is complete bullshit. 

When she cut her finger that night I saw Edwards eyes go black and felt his bloodlust. He was going to attack her. I started to go to her to protect her from him and that's when all hell broke loose.

He claims he thought I was coming to attack her, which he knows I wasnt, so he pushed her into the table filled with plates. She ended up with a huge gash in her arm, bleeding profusely. That is when I tried to attack.

Anyone would have feeling everyone else's bloodlust in the room, I just couldn't help myself. When I tried to a explain what happened to everyone, no one believed me over Edward. He is the favorite son afterall.

His emotions when supposedly "protecting" Bella from me were strange. He felt the usual bloodlust,  possessiveness and anger. There was no love or worry at all for his mate in his emotions. It makes me wonder if she really is his mate.

I've been having different feelings for Alice lately also. I've noticed our relationship is different than that of Rosalie and Emmett and Esme and Carlisle. We don't have as strong of feelings for each other as the others do.

I've asked her many times about it and how we don't hurt when we are apart. She just brushes it off and says every mated pair is different. Her emotions always have a tiny bit of deceit and anger when I question our mating status. It's very perplexing.

I noticed Bella out of the corner of my eye just staring off into space, emotions still all over the place. When she tells edward and Alice what she was thinking about I detected deceit and regret in her emotions.