You're not Steve

A trained (un)professional

Chapter 54

Peter's Pov:

"You don't understand. Toot was going to die."

"You named it... Toot?"

"They're not an it Sam. And yes, Toot Karen Parker."

"Toot."

"Toot."

Bucky stalks towards us. "Someone fart?"

Sam laughs.

"Hey could we get some Takis on our way back?"

"Peter, you got hit by two cars, your school seems to be under the impression you're about to die, you would have died if you weren't you, and you want Takis." Sam shakes his head.

"Chill Sam, Takis are good." Bucky shrugs as his gaze stops on Bruce.

"BRUCE, I thought we talked about staring at the sun!"

Bruce jumps then speed walks toward us.

"Peter can't come to school for at least a week if we don't want anyone getting suspicious. Mr Harrington seems to think it's a miracle Peter didn't die. Flash is in shock, you definitely scared him Sam. And he's clearly scarred by the Loki and Clint incident from two nights ago. Anyways Scott is on his way to pick us up, he should be here in five."

"WEE WEE WEE WEE WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, OUT OF THE WAY!" Scott shouts as he drives up in his van covered in white and red construction paper.

"Or now." Bruce shrugs and heads toward it.

"MOVE IT MOVE IT!" Scott continues to shout. He attempts to parallel park, bumps into Flash's parked car, then runs out with a stretcher.

"This really isn't necessary..." I feel my face go a little red as Scott charges towards me in a white lab coat, a toy stethoscope around his neck and a first aid kit.

"I AM TRAINED IN FIRST AID! I AM A TRAINED (un)PROFESSIONAL!" Scott slams the kit down and places the stethoscope around my neck.

"STAY WITH ME PETER! WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS."

Scott gasps.

"Die Peter" he whispers.

...

I close my eyes.

"AED. NOW! WE CAN STILL SAVE HIM." He puts a mask on my face then starts to do fake CPR.

"SOMEONE PLAY ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST - OR BABY SHARK, EITHER WORKS!"

I don't know what's going on.

"Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaby shark, doo doo doo dooo doo doo" music blares.

Honestly I have no idea what's become of my life.

"Baaaaaaaaby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo"

Scott squeezes the air mask and air shoots into me, causing me to cough.

"BABY SHARK!"

Scott lifts me on to the stretcher and Bruce and Bucky carry me into the van. Scott collects Toot and slams the door, we zoom off.

"Mommy shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo."

"WEEEE WEEE WEEE WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. MOVE CARS." Scott's shouts mix with the music.

The music and Scott's screams fill the silence as we drive. Then Bruce breaks it.

"Um, where's Sam?"

"Daddy shark, doo doo doo dooo doo doo!"

Bucky laughs and Scott stops screaming.

"DADDY SHARK!"

"We forgot SAM!" he hollers and pulls a U turn.

There's a swarm of honks as Scott goes back to screaming.

"WEEEEEE WEEE WEEE. COMING THROUGH!"

Scott slams the break and we all fly forward then catapult back because, seatbelts.

"GRANDMA SHARK!"

"Wow thanks for remembering me." Sam sighs as he gets up from his seat on the curb.

"No problem." Bucky smiles and Sam pushes him down into a puddle.

We drive for five minutes, again, Scott's screams and Baby Shark fill the air.

Finally,

"IT'S THE END!"

Scott lets out a sigh and turns of the music.

"I have been waiting to do that my whole life." He smiles.

Sam and Bucky exchange a look.

"To play Baby shark, to pretend to be an ambulance or to fake CPR?" Bruce asks concerned.

"All of it. Best day of my life."

Bruce opens his mouth then closes it.

"Peter, thank you. My life is fulfilled now."

"Um, no problem?" I smile and Scott smiles back through the rear view mirror

"Now let's get some Takis!"