Indecisive (Loki Laufeyson x Bucky Barnes x Reader)

CHAPTER 15

No locking them behind a closed door in hopes that any distraction is better than my indecisive thoughts.

I don't know what to expect when Bucky returns, if ever. I still remember the last moment we shared while he was still himself as he was pulled from the room and the silence that followed.

The moments after that I would rather not remember.

Many things reminded me of him after the time we spent alone together. The games I often played in the dining hall with the warriors three and Thor often reminded me of when we played cards together on those nights that seemed like the morning would never come. I tried to teach him different games and newer versions of the ones he was used to playing.

He wasn't the best at it as he hadn't really played much before his accident, so sometimes I would let him win.

It brought a smile to his face that I wish I could savour forever. A smile I wish could be captured in a single photograph to take with me where ever I go. I would give anything to be back in the warmth of the Stark Tower laughing and joking around with everyone rather than be stuck in the rain.

I often made jokes and looked over my shoulder as if in some alternate reality he would be there smiling back at me.

He wasn't always like that though, days passed where we were nothing but strangers. When I had first arrived I was afraid of him and I could never shake the image of his cold, dark eyes staring me down as if there was no humanity beyond them.

He began to grow on me with time. His humour and sarcasm. I remember the first time I laughed at his joke. We were all sitting on the couch on the 91st floor, each with our own drink of choice, having fun.

He and Tony had begun a debate on something I didn't retain but, all I can remember was my sudden outburst of laughter. It was so uncontrollable at first and after a while of everyone staring at me as if I wasn't capable of showing more than two emotions they joined in.

That was when he looked at me for the first time. Not like he usually did as we passed each other in the halls or when we were forced into the same room during meetings. This time he was really looking at me.

As if he could feel the energy that was coursing through me. It was like I knew him from another lifetime or at least I thought I did.

Like I could see right into his soul and him into mine.

I often felt that way with Loki too, when he wasn't trying to humiliate me or give me near-death experiences.

He and I hadn't started on the right foot and it had just been downhill from there. Though I enjoyed his company.

Sometimes I found myself looking for him in crowded rooms. He was a good distraction. He always knew what to say and when to say it.

There were days where I felt like we were making progress in becoming civil with each other and that all seemed to vanish the next morning. It was as if he only allowed himself a maximum amount of time to be present in other people's lives.

I hadn't realized I had found myself sitting on the floor of the gazebo until I could no longer hear the sound of the rain against the rooftop.

I stood up from the ground wiping the gravel from my hands against the fabric on my thighs. Grabbing the cloak, I took a step back onto the cobblestone path and down the length of the road.

I walked for a few minutes until I found myself back on the docks that stood before the water's edge. It was quiet for this time of day, usually, there would be dozens of people roaming the streets walking in and out of stores and street markets.