Extra Chapter - Five's pov

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Chapter 20


Five Hargreeves' point of view

"Five was the one to give you the serum," the handler says.

Immediately, memories come flooding back. And yes, she's right. I was the one to put the serum in the baby . . . in Elisa. My lips part, and my stomach turns, squeezes itself, making me feel even more horrible. I never knew . . . I would've never . . .

"Is that true?" Elisa her voice shakes me out of the trance I was in. I now realize that my eyes have fallen on my feet. I get why, even now I'm unable to look Elisa in the eyes again. I did this to her . . . I made her who she is. I changed her life. Everything that happened to her is my fault. Every single time she got hurt, it's my fault.

My breathing quickens, and I'm sure to have a panic attack if I don't stop it.

"What?" My voice sounds weak, but at this moment, I don't care. I do look at the handler. There's no need to be ashamed to look at her. She was the one who ordered me to do so, after all. She was the one who made sure I did that to Elisa. But why? Did she want all of this to happen to Elisa? She must've. The handler always has everything planned out.

"You were the one to give a baby a serum, were you not?" she asks me, but we both already know the answer. Yet she can't help but add, "It's hasn't been long, too. It was the first task I gave you when you returned to us."

My eyes widen, hearing those words. My first task. I didn't know Elisa back then, but she did. She has known Elisa for so long. But that still doesn't give me an answer to my question. Why did the handler need Elisa to have the serum inside of her?

"Was it you?" Elisa her voice is quiet. I know she's afraid to ask. We both don't want it to be me, but it already happened. I fucking did it. And now I can't do anything but to accept it. To admit it . . . to her.

"Yes," I answer Elisa in a very, very quiet voice. I can't so no. I can't lie. But I'm so afraid of how she'll react. Still, I can't look at her. I can't see the pain on her face, knowing that I caused it. I just can't. For once, I'm not strong enough.

A gasp sounds, and I know it is Elisa's. Then I hear her stumbling backwards. That's when I push my cowardice to the side and look at her. She lands with her back against the wall, and it looks as if she needs all her strength to keep standing. Her eyes widen with every thought that comes to her mind—I can see it. I can see the worries starting to drown her.

I want to go up to her, to embrace her, but she deserves better than that. Hell, she deserves better than me. Yet I'm still so, so selfish when it concludes her. Because I can't just give her up and let her go. And that makes me even more awful.

In the end, she takes in a deep breath. She's furious, I notice. She fucking deserves to be furious with me.

"You," she growls. "You did this to me." I expect her to come at me. Maybe she'll even fight me, give me a lesson. I deserve it. That's why I would let her. I can't fight her. Never again.

My heart breaks even more with every second that passes, seeing her like this. What probably has been just several seconds, feels like eternity to me. And it hurts. It hurts so bad. My lungs refuse to work properly—or it's just my whole body that refuses to go on. Then I realise I don't want my body to work anymore.

No. I shake my head softly, too minimal so no one actually notices it. Whatever my body is doing—whether it's stopping with working because I want to or if it's because I fucking deserve it—it must stop. It has to. Even though Elisa would deserve to see me collapse, to see me suffer, I can't leave her alone in this huge mess. The mess I put her in—unknowingly, but still. I won't leave her. She won't want me to help her get through this, but I will. I will always help her. Damn it.

Bloodshed // FIVE HARGREEVESWhere stories live. Discover now