Sorry it's so short, but the previous chapter was longer to make up for it. (:
What do I do now? She wouldn't talk to me. If she wouldn't listen, then there was no way we could work this out. She decided that she didn't want me in her life anymore. Knowing that killed me.
I love her.
I had explained myself to Tess and she was supportive of me trying to get Lissa back. She tried convincing her to talk to me, but Lissa was dead set against it. I didn't know what to do. There was nothing.
She changed her phone number.
It's been a month. I've called and texted her everyday and I never got a reply. Neither has Tess. She called Brittaney and was told that Lissa was okay, nothing had happened to her.
I didn't think Lissa would deliberately ignore Tess, so I called the operator and they told me that her number was disconnected, which lead me to an awful conclusion. She changed her phone number. Tess had told me that Lissa had gotten her own flat, which meant I couldn't even reach her by calling the hotel phone. I was desperate and out of options.
Our concerts in NYC were all done and over. We were scheduled for a vacation here and that gave me three weeks until we were supposed to fly back to England. I couldn't wait that long. I talked to the boys - who now all know the truth and miss Lissa almost as much as I do - and we decided to fly back to England now and get Lissa back.
We were going to stay at Brittaney's hotel in hopes that she would show up there. And hopefully Brittaney knew Lissa new address and mobile number.
"It'll be okay, Haz." Louis promised, after noticing how stressed I looked. We were in the plane minutes from landing.
I feel so much better. I've moved on and I'm living life to the fullest. I've got an amazing boyfriend that I love and things are going great.
That was a lie.
I'm not great, not better at all. It's been a pretty crappy month. All I can think about is Harry. His stupid curls that I love playing with and his stupid smile and stupid dimples that are just so cute and his stupid green eyes that sparkle and are so easy to get lost in. Stupid Harry Styles.
I can't move on and I can't forget about him. It's been proven physically impossible. I've just faced the fact that I will be in this depressed sate for the rest of my life. I will never be happy again.
Call me melodramatic, but it's true.
I've had a horribly boring month. The TV is always off. The first few days, I would watch TV only to be met with Harry's face in that stupid Pepsi commercial or on the news. Seeing his face hurts so I don't.
I got a new phone number so that I could keep in contact with Brittaney, but not Harry. If I kept reading texts like that one he sent me, then I'll just be driven in sane. I wanted to talk to Tess, but I knew that she would only try and force me to talk to Harry and I didn't want that. It was safer for me this way. Things will get better when Tess gets back.
I got a job. I work at Starbucks. It keeps my mind off things and keeps me from being idle at home. I met a really sweet girl there, Rachel, and we've become good friends. I opened up to her and told her everything, and she's been super supportive.
I went to the hotel during my free time to help. All I really did now was work. It kept my mind off Harry.
However, I had to go home eventually. And I had to sleep. Nights were the worst. My bed was too big and cold. I missed Harry beside me. I cried myself to sleep thinking about him every night. It was sad.
I was done with my late shift at Starbucks and was on my way home now. I always dreaded this, knowing that I would be face with my empty bed and the tears.
I drove slowly and took my time parking the car. I walked up the stairs instead of using the lift and very slowly unlocked the door. I made myself some dinner - at 10 at night - and ate it rather slowly before getting ready for bed.
I pulled back the comforter on my bed, and like every night, this is when the tears start. My chest gets tight as I stare at the other side of the bed. There's plenty of room for another person. For Harry. The first few tears roll down my cheeks as I lay down and pull the comforter up. This is just repetition of every night.
I turn so I'm facing the empty pillow next to me. I image Harry there, smiling at me and I almost smile until I realize that he's not here. He'll never be here.
I'm full on sobbing now as I remember all the night Harry and I spent together, cuddling. How he would play with my hair and I would fall asleep to the rhythmic beating of his heart. I remember how I would wake up in a sleeping angel's arms and I would kiss him to wake him up. Or how he would wake up first and give me Eskimo kisses until my eyes opened to see his smiling face.
The memories tear me apart. Like a knife is cutting through my heart.
He would kiss away my tears when I was sad and hold me until I stopped crying. He would act silly just to make me laugh. He was the sweetest person I've ever met and now it was over.
I miss him so much. I wish he was here, that none of this ever happened and that he could be holding me right now. I would do anything to be able to go back in time and change what happened.
I sobbed so loud that I often wondered if the other people in the flat complex could here me. I must sound like a child who just lost all their family. Like someone died. I cried like this when my parents died.
It was like someone died. Me.
I was not okay. I need Harry, but he made a choice and it's done. He doesn't trust me and that's a key part of a relationship.
I cried, like every night, until I finally fell asleep.
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[Formerly known as: Warzone] "I miss him so much. I wish he was here, that none of this ever happened and that he could be holding me right now. I would do anything to be able to go back in time and change what happened..." Being a huge One Directi...