A Taste Of Life

Chp. 32- I Am My Own Battle

*Ava*

I walked inside my room and immediately flung myself on the bed. I could still hear my dad's yelling and swearing through the other room. I wish he wouldn't worry about me so much when I drank. He does it, so why can't I?

My phone buzzed from call and I groaned.

"Hello?" I said into the phone.

"Ava, what the hell!" Taylor's voice rang through the phone worsening my headache. "I called you over 10 times! Why the hell wouldn't you answer?"

"Stop screaming, I have a huge hangover." I groaned.

"Why were you drinking? Did you just come back from a party? Is that why you didn't answer my phonecalls?"

"Oh my god, Taylor. Will you just calm down? So what if I went to a party?"

"You're mine." He stated.

"Babe it's just one party."

"Yeah well one party turns into a bunch then next thing you know you're drunk and sitting on some guy's lap."

"Are you fucking serious? You think I would do that to you?"

"You know what, I don't know anymore."

"What are you trying to say?" My voice sounded hoarse.

"Maybe we should just call its quits. This obviously isn't going to fucking work. So much shit can happen in a year, who knows if I want to come back a year from now."

"D-Don't do this Taylor.."

His next words sliced through me like a knife through butter. "It's for the best. I guess it just was never meant to be."

A defeaning silence rang through the air. I threw my phone across the room before flinging myself back into bed. I cried loud, chest aching sobs into my pillow.

He said he would never leave.. he promised.

..

"Let's go swimming." Logan smiled as we finished up our meal.

"But aren't we supposed to get into the city with your parents?"

"Ahh screw it. We can just skip it." He stood up from the table and grabbed both our plates before placing them into the sink.

He grabbed my hands and dragged me inside the room.

"Change." He demanded.

I cocked a eyebrow in amusement.

"Please." He added.

I rolled my eyes but nodded. A satisfied smile spread to his face as he left the room, closing the door behind him.

I stripped off my sweats and t-shirt before grabbing my black two piece bikini from my suit case.

My phone began to buzz from my sweat's pocket. I checked the caller ID and saw's Rebecca's name.

"Hello?"

"Hey!" She squealed, "You were supposed to call as soon as you got there."

"Sorry, I was really tired." I explained.

"It's alright, no biggie. So how's the beach house?"

"Big." I chuckled.

"Are you having fun?"

"Yeah sure."

"Doesn't sound like it.. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?"

"I saw Taylor's death glare at dinner the other night. He still loves you, you know that."

"It doesn't matter wether he loves me or not." I struggled to say, "We're done."

"Your red cheeks and lovey dovey eyes begged to differ."

"I haven't seem him in a while so I got excited a little, so what."

"So what?" She laughed on the other line. "Logan almost jumped out of his pants when he saw the way you were looking at him. He knows you're still in love with him and you know it too."

"Logan is helping me get over him." A pang of guilt started to dwell. I didn't want to make it seem like I was using Logan to get over Taylor.. was I? "What are you trying to get at right now?"

"I just don't want you rushing into a relationship when you still have feelings for your ex."

"I'll get over it."

"No listen to me Ava. This casual attitude about your heartbreak is not working. Not for me. You can't keep pushing all this away. You keep it all inside and it's really hurting you. You keep dwelling on the past and you haven't even thought about the future. What's going to happen when he comes back after high school? What about when he comes to the wedding? Are you going to be able to handle seeing him again?"

"Rebecca.." I whined, "I can't think about this right now. I don't want to worry about what's going to happen months from now. I want to be able to smile now. Be free from this pain now. I don't want to worry about the misery I'm going to suffer when he comes back.. If he comes back."

"And that's how I know you still love him."

"What?"

"You said it. 'I don't want to worry about the misery I'm going to suffer when he comes back.'"

"If he comes back." I corrected.

"If it still hurts, you are not over him." She said, "Think about this. Do not get too involved with Logan if you think you and Taylor are absolutely inevitable."

We aren't inevitable. We can't be.

I remained silent as her words digged into me.

"I thought you were all for team Logan?" I tried to change the subject.

"Oh trust me, I want you to be happy Ava. But doing this to yourself isn't going to make things better. You can't force your happiness, that's not how it works. You need to confront your problems before moving on. Accept what's happened and forgive him. If you still think you love him, then love him. Give the guy a second chance and fall in love all over again, or whatever you kids do nowadays. But if you know that it's going to get you nowhere, then move on. Pick yourself up, breathe, and let go."

I thanked her and told her I would call her tomorrow before hanging up. I grabbed two towels from beside my bed and headed out the room. Logan's figure hovering over the kitchen table caught my eye. I stared at his shirtless broad shoulders and defined six pack in awe. He snapped his head up, his eyes widening as they raked my body.

My cheeks flushed but I continued to walk further into his eye sight.

"U-uh you look goo-great. You look great." He stammered as he walked and I handed him a towel.

His hand traced down my arm and to my hand, interwining our fingers together. "Let's go." He beamed.

"Okay." I blushed.

I'm not rushing anything. This is what I need. Logan's good for me. I'm not rushing anything.

But something nagged in the back of my mind, telling me otherwise.