Don't Let Go, I Need You

~17~

Megumi ordered takoyaki for the both of us, and we sat down to eat. This whole time he never had let my hand go. I don't know whether it's because he doesn't want me to wander off or he's just used to us being so close and intimate.

"Yes, Kana? You've been staring at me for quite some time. You're making me uncomfortable by your long stare." Then Megumi flicked my forehead as I winced in the slightest pain lingering on my skin. "Do you need something from me?"

Immediately my face flushed as my heart pounded louder in my chest. I hope it wasn't too loud for him to hear. This morning I've been trying to act normal as in not knowing he has feelings for me. Megumi doesn't know that Itadori and Kugisaki had indirectly told me about his secret. Clearing my throat, I fixed my composure as I ate the last takoyaki. The warm exterior and juicy filling made my stomach cry knowing that this was my last one. I needed to learn how to make this at home.

"Does my staring makes your heart go doki doki?" I coyly teased, wondering if his facial expression was going to change. However, it didn't as it still was his normal poker face showing through.

Megumi quickly changed the subject without answering while keeping his blue eyes on me. "How are your brothers?"

The blood in my body froze. I forgot that I never informed him about me cutting ties with my family. I believed that it was none of his business to know so I didn't tell him. Nonetheless, I would have to tell Megumi anyways. If I lied to him now, eventually he will find out. I don't want him to come back and ask why I lied, so I'll come out clean. "Actually... I cut them off." I timidly spoke like a scared dog who lost its voice to bark due to immense fear.

Megumi's eyes shot open as he didn't believe me. "What? Why?" His voice was filled with confusion because he knew I loved my family.

I clenched the fabric of my yukata and sighed. It's embarrassing to admit this because it'll sound so stupid to him, but I hope he'll understands. "It's... It's to protect them from being in so much pain if I die like my fate is written like."

Instead of expecting him to be understanding like I hoped, I received the opposite as his face twisted. His unfazed blue eyes narrowed, his eyebrows knitted, and lips parted. Megumi looked enraged. "What about me? Are you going to push me away too? I know you have been telling me that—to make more friends so I'm not lonely anymore—but I disregarded it! But tell me Kana, are you going to do that to me too?!" Although he's angry, he didn't raise his voice at all. He made it clear that he's mad, letting all his confusion and irritation swim in his grumbly voice.

I'm at a loss for words. I didn't know that this would quickly escalate; I believed that he would understand. "...I don't know." I truly didn't know at this point anymore. It was okay when we were kids because I was still young; however, now that I'm literally a few years away from being 18, it's hitting me harder than before. My conflicted mind told me to push him from getting hurt or keep him because he's my childhood friend. Anxiety rose in my body as I stood up from my seat and balled my hands inside my hair. Each strand of hair tangled within my fingers while my brain began to shut down from it overheating. I don't want him to cry over my death if I'm unable to make it back alive. I would feel so guilty because he is alone. I'm the only person he knows best, and my absence will take a big toll on his well-being. I don't want to hurt him...

Then Megumi pulled me by the wrist, taking me to a secluded area as he snapped. Fury burned in his eyes while he gritted his teeth before speaking. "How are you supposed to experience life if you're pushing everyone away?! Isn't it better if it's everyone together?! Is going on trips around Japan a coping mechanism to ignore reality?!" There was so much anguish in his voice that it hurt to listen. "Listen Kana, do you really want to die alone? Of course we're all going to suffer if it does happen, but isn't it better to cherish the moment we all have with you rather than moping in loneliness and believing that being selfish will benefit you?! Why do you talk like you're going to die?! Why are you doubting yourself?!"

I staggered away from him, having a fast melt down from his daggering yet truthful words aiming at my heart. "I don't know. I don't know. I don't know!" I cried out loud, dropping on my knees as my hands covered my face. I know I want to live but I don't know how. There's no guidelines telling me how to live my life the right way or to make the right decision. If life was a game with many lives, then I wouldn't have the need to feel scared because I can make many mistakes and not die. But my life wasn't like a game; I only have one shot and if I mess it up then I'm dead for good. "Maybe talking as if I'm going to die is a way to motivate me to live?!! I don't know. I've accepted death yet I doubt myself because I'm not sure what's going to happen to me! I can't stay optimistic all the time! I have fears too which also clouds my mind. Also, how do I know that I will live past 18?! I can't help but feel scared to hurt my loved ones like you Megumi!"

Out of nowhere during my break down, Megumi wrapped his arms around me from behind. His chest was pressed against my back as I felt his heart beat. It was neither fast nor slow. Megumi then pulled me into his lap as we now sat on the ground. "Kana, please look at me." He turned me around, seeing my distress look. Megumi's face softened just like his soothed voice as his arms secured me. "I'm sorry. I'm just trying to knock some sense into you." He pushed my head down on his chest as he stroked my hair.

"You're a brave and strong person I know. It's not easy to have all this weight on your shoulders, but believe in yourself and the process." It's not surprising that Megumi believes in this more than I do. He wants me alive and happy. Flicking my eyes up, he gazed gently at me. It made my heart tumble when we locked eyes. "If you have doubts or are scared, tell them to me because I care for you. I want to see you live long too, and I don't want you to be alone either. I will always be here no matter if the table has turned." Oh gosh I felt like crying. Why did he sound forgiving yet strong? He's willing to stick by me if the world turns against me. "What do you wish to obtain once you survive your curse?"

"It sounds stupid but, I want to love somebody eventually." I earnestly said. That's the only goal which is out of my reach. I can do everything but that because I'm scared of hurting my partner.

Megumi smiled at me before flicking my forehead once again. "Think about love after you reconnect with your family and stop being so pessimistic about yourself." Then he lifted me up so we could stand. "And by the way, no matter how much you push me away, I will never leave your side because I'm not ready to let you go"

Megumi's words caused my heart to race as my ears turned red under the dimmed light. Did he not realize what he said to me? It literally sounded like a confession. I guess I have no choice but to bring it up now. "Megumi...don't be a fool to fall for me just yet. I know you like me."

Megumi didn't even look fazed by my statement. I wished his reaction showed on his face rather than his heart. He moved in closer to me and said, "And what's wrong if I have?" His breathy words touched my burning ears as it sent shivers down my spine. Also, our noses were centimeters apart from touching. I saw his handsome features up close. How could he be so bold about his action yet act calm?! I'm over here overreacting as I'm dying in my spot.

I was going to tell him that he shouldn't because I'm not sure when I'll live or die, but I stopped myself from reverting back to my old mindset. Negativity wasn't going to take me anywhere. I'll be chained to my toxic thoughts in my head. "Because I need to get my life together first. Love can come later...and I'm not sure if I have romantic feelings for you just yet. Maybe if you're more expressive then I'll be head over heels for you!"

"Oh is that so?" A nonchalant grin appeared on his face. "I guess I'll have to try harder." My heart leaped at his words. I didn't think he'd be this bold. He's really not trying to shy away from his statement. "Let's go play some games." He locked hands with me and dragged me off.

Unbeknownst to them, a shadow figure smiled to themselves as they held a weapon in their hand. "This curse removal weapon shall grant you a curse-free life because your poor daddy can't stand to watch you suffer anymore, or that's what the body is telling me at least..." Geto Suguru chuckled in the dark, keeping an eye out on his daughter. "Yet I would rather use your ability, but you're too weak-hearted and fragile so it's okay... I still have your mother though."