Track 07: Beside You

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I zipped my luggage and made sure that it's safely locked before placing it to the other side with my other bags. Tomorrow, I will be leaving for London, the place where my parents wanted me to be. Right at this moment, I wish I could turn 18 just to be able to decide about what I have to do with my life. But I'm still stuck
being 17, and I wouldn't be turning a year older for over 5 more months. I don't want to leave, of course I don't want to. But apparently, I have to. Mum is getting married to another guy, and I don't have any other choice except living with my dad across the country or live with them like hell. Sometimes I feel like my own mother doesn't give a shit about me anymore, but I guess it wasn't her fault to have been brainwashed by his stupid fiancé. Peter is an asshole who feels so good about himself, and I know once my mum says I do, he will do nothing but beat the shit out of me like what he always warns me about. I decided that I just have to stay with my dad, until I get to have my own job and live on my own. I don't want to leave; it hurts to leave. I have grown so much with Sydney that I feel like my soul will forever be stuck in here. I will miss my friends, my best friends, and every people I have in my life. I didn't want to leave because it means leaving them too. I hate to leave because I know I will leave her, too.

The clocks strikes, and my heart crashes every time an hour gets over. I know I should be excited somehow because I'd still get some time to spend with my friends, but the fact about me leaving soon enough still bothers me like hell. I can't stop thinking what kind of life is waiting for me there, or what kind of life would I have if I changed my mind about leaving. I know I always have a choice, but I don't want to disappoint myself either. I have dreams, and I don't want my own self to be the reason why I wouldn't be able to have them and make them come true. I wanted her to be proud of me, and I know it will make her happy seeing me living the dream we both wanted for me and herself.

But it's never easy to speak of the truth when her thoughts are the only thing that keeps on running inside my head.

I took my skateboard behind my door and made way out of the house in my bedroom window. Peter was home and I don't want him asking me questions about where I'll be or if I'm already packed because I know he's just curious and he doesn't really care. I'd probably make his day a good one if I tell him that I was able to pack my stuff within a minute. Maybe after tomorrow, he can finally have the house himself and my mum as well, and I don't want to go on all the things he could possibly do. I don't want to leave my mum, but she seems all fine about everything and she doesn't even care if I stay or not.

It wasn't long until I reach Ashton's house. This is where we decided to have my "goodbye party", like what they wanted to call it, because it was my personal choice. Ashton seemed a lot like a brother to me, considering that he's 2 years older than me, and he cares about me way too much than I expected he would be. This is where I sleep over whenever I feel like the world is closing on me, and he's always there to listen whenever I need someone to talk to. He is probably one of the people that I would miss hella fucking lot, and if I think way too much about it I might start crying. I shrugged and cleared my head. I somehow made a promise that I won't show a hint of sadness tonight. I want them all to think that I'm okay, despite everything that's going on with my life.

"Hey guys." I said with a smile, making my hair appear to be flat after taking my beanie off. She immediately smiled. "Sorry I was late. I wanted to get out of the hou-"

They all cut me off with a hug, squeezing me tighter as each of them joins the group hug that Ashton started. I started laughing lightly, probably making it sound really awkward as I always do. Maybe if I wasn't strong enough to hold back my tears, I would break down. But no, I reminded myself. I need to make this night a memorable one and crying shouldn't be on my list.

Trisha, Nikki and Sabby pulled away from the group hug because I think Ashton started kissing each and everyone of us on wherever he could kiss us, making me the first one to experience it. It was sloppy and wet, and god damn, if he wasn't my best friend I would have punched him on the throat for kissing me on the cheek. No one among these three boys wanted to let go, even though Ashton is starting to turn into a dog. They were all squeezing me, as Michael and Calum started squealing like girls when Ashton kissed them on their necks. I am going to miss these idiots.

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