HIRAETH // Captain Puffy X Reader

20

It seemed you weren't going to sleep tonight either. 

You had pretty much avoided Puffy all day, but when it had come time for dinner and you'd had to sit down and eat with everyone, you could feel the weight of her stare on you - no doubt trying to understand why you were still hesitating after weeks of living with the crew. It wasn't like you could fully explain it though - instead you just weathered her stare until you could escape down to your hammock and pretend you were asleep so everyone would leave you alone. 

Now, you stared at the wooden planks above you, and swayed back and forth with the ship in the moonlight. You just wanted some peace of mind. But you had been bickering back and forth with yourself all day, and it wasn't going to stop anytime soon.

In the hammock next to you, Tubbo stirred, fumbling around for his bee. You reached over, finding the stuffed animal and placing it in his grip. You weren't expecting him to wind his hands around your wrist, and you looked over to see his eyes blinking open, sleep clearing to look at you. 

You smiled, freeing your hand from Tubbo's grasp to run it through his curls, soothing. "Go back to sleep, Tubs."

Tubbo yawned. "You should go to sleep too." He said. 

"I'm trying." You said. "I just have a lot to think about." 

Tubbo blinked at you, little brown eyes appraising. "Is this why mum is mad at you?"

"She's mad at me?" You asked.

Tubbo shifted in his hammock, cuddling around his bee more. "I heard her talking to Aunt Gemma about you. She wasn't mad mad... more sad-mad I think. She wants you to help, but she said you wont, and then Aunt Gemma said it was more complicated than that, and I thought that was weird because you help around the ship all the time."

You smiled thinly. "It's a little different this time Tubbo."

Tubbo just looked at you, his gaze turning curious. "Why?"

"Well..." You said. How did you explain this to a child? "There's a navy ship chasing the Ghost again. And your mum wants me to help her get rid of it. But it's hard for me to say yes, since I used to be in the navy."

Tubbo just yawned. "But you're not now, so you can help."

He said it like it was the simplest thing in the world, and you couldn't help but smile a little at that. 

"It's more complicated than that, Tubs." You said. "If the navy takes the Ghost, they'll try me for treason if I help-"

Tubbo laughed, a little sleepy laugh - he was falling back to sleep, slowly. "Nobody can sink the Ghost." He said. "It's impossible - mum will just beat them first and take their loot. She's the best captain in the whole world; nobody can beat her."

If only that were true. You ran a hand through Tubbo's curls again. "Of course not, that was silly of me to say."

Tubbo grinned. "Yeah, but you're just silly sometimes. Like when you were scared of Aunt Gemma. Or you think that Mum doesn't like you."

"But your Mum doesn't like me." You said. "She appreciates that I help around the ship, but technically I'm still the enemy Tubbo-"

Tubbo shook his head. "She does like you, I've heard her say it to Aunt Gemma. 'S why she yells at you so much, because she really wants you to just be a part of the crew and when you wont it makes her mad. So just be part of the crew, and you can make mum happy and then you can stay on the ship and we can finish my reading lessons."

You could see Tubbo's eyes drifting closed now, and you just gave him one last scratch on the head before withdrawing your hand and letting him drift back to dreamland. In a moment, he was back to sleep, curled around his bee like the conversation had never happened at all. 

You looked back up to the ceiling above you, letting the daydream take over for a moment. You would wake up here every day and eat breakfast with Tubbo (and make sure he didn't drown his pancakes in syrup as there wasn't that much syrup to go around). There would be some task that needed doing, whether it was helping Gemma with repairs or taking stock or something else, and that would be your morning. The day would be broken up by lunch, and then you would retreat to the hold to do lessons with Tubbo, and he would get so excited about the progress he'd made with the reading. After that, it would be the big sit down dinner Puffy insisted on every night, and you would laugh when Tubbo used her hair to wipe his face. Maybe then some nights would be celebration nights, and everything would be a golden glow again-

You heart swelled at just the thought of this, every day for the rest of your days, and you knew then that you wanted to stay here. All it had taken was a little push from Tubbo, and your mind was made up.

You would have to apologize to Puffy in the morning. You would tell her anything she wanted to know about the ship chasing you. Anything that would help her escape a little longer - let this wonderful dream of a life play out a little longer...

For the first time since you had arrived on the Ghost, you weren't hoping to be rescued. 

You were still nervous of course - talking to Puffy always made you nervous for some reason, even after both Gemma and now Tubbo had assured you that she didn't hate you - and part of you still thought you were being rash... but you couldn't deny that you wanted to be here. You wanted to be part of the Night Ghost's crew permanently, if Puffy would have you.

You hoped she would have you.