I sat in my bed and stared at my IPhone longingly.
You may wonder what what was on the screen. But you will have to wait.
~
My name is Stevie Sue. And I have a few hobbies; eating, smelling, pooping, and stalking... someone. I have been arrested four times from... something. And my one, uttmost passion... is walrus boobs. Not doing anything weird with them, just plain old walrus boobs.
That what was on my screen. Walrus boobs. Many boys have asked me out, but I could never say yes. That would be a disgrace to the walruses, and all walrus kind.
I threw all my stuff into my bag, and headed off to my new job. My new job at the zoo. I had been fired from many zoo jobs before, but those were in different towns. This was Portland Oregon, though. Maybe what I was about to do was considered normal here.
I was working in, you guessed it, the walrus feeding chamber. I had brought a bucket of gourmet glop or whatever it was with me to the chamber and set it down. I approached the walrus slowly but surely and it looked at me with its overweight eyeballs, staring into my soul. I approached it and began stroking its voluptuous walrus boobs. They tingled under my finger and it made a sound that could be mistaken with a cow mating. I giggled an evil, perverted laugh and it mooed once again.
All of a sudden, zoo visitors started streaming in, but of course I didn't notice. I looked up and saw a women clutching her child at her side, the kids face smashed against her hip. The womans hand was clasped over her mouth, as she saw me feeling the walruses sexy boobs. I saw her beconing to someone, and suddenly a zoo employee was staring at me. I snatched my hand away, and acted like I hadn't just been feeling up a walrus.
"Why are you violating that poor walrus?!" screamed the employee as she looked on in horror.
"She's just too sexy to be left alone!" the words accidentally slipped out of my mouth with no warning. Then, I accidentally pooped and I felt something cliimbing down my leg. I looked down to see a small pile of brown mush sitting atop my foot, looking like a women on a beach, sunbathing.
The zoo employees's face twisted into a disgusted look as she saw that I had just crapped myself.
"poop!!!!!" she screamed bloody murder.
"You're fired!" she yelled.
I hung my head and walked out right passed the lady, her child, and the employing.
"Slut!" hissed the woman, shielding her kids ears.
~
That night I made up my mind. If it wasn't legal to touch walrus boobs in zoos, then I was going to travel to their natural habitat. I would start traveling (by foot) tomorrow.
