Behind Your Walls

22 | boy with scars

"I paid the bills, Can you take over for tonight, Melody?" Carter stammers as he speaks.

I take his appearance in — messy hair, bloody hands, cuts, and bruises covering every inch of him. He has been to another fight but the expression on his face is dark and troubled which tells me that something else happened too.

"Yes...yeah, sure." Melody nods.

I see her eyes scanning Carter's body just like me. She looks confused and I see Carter nod at her absentmindedly. He looks downtrodden and not in his right senses.

"Can you please bring me some ice?" Carter directs his question to Melody again

I look at him but he doesn't look back at me. Melody repeats her nod and walks away from us to proceed toward the kitchen.

Alone with Carter, I take a step forward but he flinches back.

"Carter?"

"I don't want to talk," he snaps and my eyes widen a little.

I retreat and let him drag himself to his room while limping.

When Melody arrives with the ice pack, she hands it to me and asks me to take care of Carter while she stays at the hospital. I take the pack and watch her hurry to get her coat and head out, leaving me in care of the house instead of Carter like I am one of them.

She treats me like I am family too.

***

"Please don't talk," Carter says just as I enter the room.

He is sitting on the floor, leaning his head on the bed with his eyes closed. I swallow a gulp at the roughness in his voice and don't say a word as I walk over to sit beside him.

I take the ice pack and take his bloody hand in mine. He lets me and I press the ice pack on his knuckles. He winces and opens his eyes. I stop for a second but then he looks at me, gesturing to continue. I do so as I watch the torn flesh in his knuckles while I treat them carefully.

I feel him move closer to me as I blow on his injury.

"Won't you ask me how I got it?" he whispers near my ear.

His voice is broken and raspy but it works to make my body go numb at the closeness.

"You said not to speak," I remind him, dropping his hands and signaling him to give the other one.

His eyes don't leave my face as he gives me his other hand and I continue with my nursing.

"I'm sorry...please talk. Your voice gives peace," he hums and it makes me feel a lot better than his previous words.

"Okay," I mumble and drop his hand to face him.

He is so close that the tip of my nose touches his. He smells of alcohol, violence, and blood. I take a look at his lips which I had been kissing hours ago. Dried blood taints them and I reach to brush my thumb over them.

"What happened?" I ask.

Carter closes his eyes and I spot the muscles in his shoulders tense.

"I had to win today...but I...I..."

Unable to continue, he stops and sighs. I put my hand around his neck, my palm pressing against his hot skin.

"Say it...I won't judge."

"I almost killed him, Am...I almost killed him. It was...painful. I didn't want to hurt him that much but I...I lost control." His voice quavers as he speaks. "Mark stopped me before I could and I couldn't believe myself. There was blood everywhere, Am...they had to take...take him on a stretcher."

For the first time, trembling in fear, he looks human to me. He sounds like a boy. Just a boy who is in fear of losing his only living parent and of giving in to the darkness that pulls him with every tragedy. I put my arms around him to hug him. He holds me and buries his nose in the crook of my neck, the trembling in his body making mine shiver with his pain.

There is darkness behind his walls and the closer I get to him, the more his darkness becomes mine.

"It's okay...I understand," I say.

We stay like that for a while until he stops shivering and pulls back. I feel the warmth of his skin on my cheeks as he cups my face between his rough palms.

"Can I...?"

He looks at my lips and I nod instantly, eager to kiss him again. He leans in to capture my lips with his bloody ones.

Kissing Carter is like breathing after you have been drowning for a while. His taste is addictive, even when it is the taste of blood and other bad things. His kisses are slow and soft at first but they become faster and firmer as seconds tick by.

When he pushes his tongue inside my mouth, I moan and pull him closer. He presses his body to mine and I find myself being pushed to the floor under his weight. I am on my back and he hovers above me, our mouths still connected, still kissing, still falling.

I am falling for Carter Bell and I don't want to ever get up.

My hands are on his shoulders and I squeeze the material of his shirt into my fists. He suddenly lets go of the kiss and I stare at him as he opens his shirt and throws it on the bed. I gulp when the sight of his scarred body comes into view. There are new wounds and they are visible against his pale skin. I didn't notice them the first time because I was too busy admiring his perfection to notice his flaws but now I see that his flaws are more perfect.

The old scars are pink and the new ones are maroon. I move my hands over his torso, tracing the scars. His eyes close and I know that he is afraid of them but I am not.

His scars make him beautiful.

He leans down and kisses me again. My body is melting with his touch and as he leaves my mouth to trail his kisses along my jaw and neck, I feel myself soaring with happiness. Being cherished by Carter Bell was only a dream once but now he is a part of my reality. He is both my dream and nightmare molded together.

He moves his hand lower until I feel his thumb brush against the waistband of my trousers.

"Can I touch you?" His lips shape words on my neck.

I pull his head back up and kiss him again.

"Not yet," I say.

He groans and it is a disappointing groan. He moves his hips against mine and I feel him hard between my legs.

"You're cruel, snippy," he murmurs against my lips and I smile.

I know what I am doing. Carter Bell is used to getting what he wants and I still fear this thing between us. It has proceeded too fast and I don't want to be another of his victory trophies. Living with Panther has made me careful of the consequences of too much closeness.

My heart is precious to me and I can't let Carter take away my everything if he isn't able to keep them with care. Love destroyed Mom. I won't let it destroy me...not until the right time.

He pulls away to roll over and lie beside me. His arm pillows my head and I hug him by his side, feeling the breathing of his heart close to mine.

"Do you think I'm bad?" Carter asks.

We are breathing heavily and he runs his hand through his hair, squeezing his eyes shut and opening them to glance at the ceiling.

"Just a little."

His eyes meet mine and we both smile before he leans in to kiss me again...and again...and again.