Not in Love

Realization

"Wang Yibo! Look up to the right like you are admiring the view and smile a little please. Be a little more lively" the photographer said clicking away with the camera.

Yibo looked as indicated and gave his signature half smile.

"Yibo, give a full smile..like you are really happy about being here" the man called out

Yibo remained the same. He hardly smiled these days, on or off camera, photoshoot or drama shoot, nothing mattered..he just didn't smile much anymore. He was already well known to be cold and aloof but these days he was more distant than ever.

He gave a frustrated look at the camera indicating the photographer to move on to the next shot. He finished the remaining shoot hurriedly and walked out of the set.

Yibo immediately moved on to the next schedule for the day, he was going to practice on the race track before going on set to shoot his new dance reality show. He made sure that he did not have a break in between schedules. He hated being idle with nothing to do..he hated taking rest...he hated being lonely at home..he hated almost everything now. Being alone and idle takes him back to the night... the night when he spoke to Xiao Zhan for the last time..the night when he decided to walk out of Xiao Zhan's life. The guilt of making him cry that night was still haunting him...when he closed his eyes..he could still hear Xiao Zhan crying. So he kept himself buried in work without giving his mind and heart a break to think through these things.

Wang Yibo's popularity hit an all time high after he joined the Street Dance of China. He gained more followers and fans with his dance performances, top notch hosting and mentoring week after week. As much as fans enjoyed his seductive dance moves, there were also some criticizing him for his over the top behavior sometimes. The show particularly was being criticized for being biased and rigged. This has always been a part of his life. Success and controversy always came hand in hand and he was used to that.

This time Yibo only focused on the dance..after all that was his first passion. These past few weeks he had been happy planning his dance routines and practicing the moves as much as he could. But the show was coming to an end already and this disappointed him, even though he has a new drama planned to start shooting within a few days.

Tonight was the shooting for the penultimate episode and Yibo was quite exhausted when the shoot ended. When he walked backstage to change and head out, he felt someone rammed a truck into him... pushing him back 4 months through time to the night when he first saw Xiao Zhan in Lay's arms.

He had barged through Lay's dressing room to talk to him before leaving, and stumbled upon them in each other's arms. Xiao Zhan was on the set, but not to meet him...he was there to meet his boyfriend. The scene in front him knocked Yibo off his feet when the guilt and the heartbreak came rushing back to him.

He apologized and immediately ran out of there even when Lay was calling out for him to stop. All the self control and composure Yibo practiced the past few months went down the drain in an instant. He felt he went to square one where he started four months back, nothing changed..it still hurt thinking about Xiao Zhan...it still hurt that he was not part of his life anymore..still hurt thinking how much he had hurt his Zhan ge. But he was not ready to face him yet, he wasn't sure if Xiao Zhan was ready to see him yet, so he ran out of there as fast as he could.

Yibo had been very careful not to bring up Xiao Zhan or anything about their personal lives for the entirety of the shooting with Lay. They only talked about the show, their teams, dance and their schedules..Yibo made sure never to pry and always avoided discussing anything other than work. So he did not know that Xiao Zhan would be visiting..he wasn't even sure if they were still together or not. But it had been confirmed now and again he wasn't happy about it. He was confused as why he couldn't be happy for his friend but could not figure out his own heart. He just dismissed the thoughts and went to sleep that night only to wake up to a bigger nightmare in the coming week.