Kiya told me that she had a dream of the future, where she sees me near the most beautiful lake. Im standing at the top of a hill a ways from the shore and Im getting married. She said I look absolutely dashing and Im crying as my future wife is walking up to meet me. Crying happy.
I would definitely cry like a bitch at my own wedding at some point and she always laughs at me for it. We watch four weddings, a stupid show about how four brides go to each others weddings and judge who's wedding was the best and whenever someone cries as their partner walks up the aisle shes like "thats you".
I roll my eyes but my big ole heart knows its true. If I ever were to marry someone... for real, it would be for the right reasons and they would be the love of my life. And I would definitely shed some happy tears.
I cant help that im a sensitive bitch.
She couldn't see who I was marrying in her dream. I asked if it was her and she doesn't know.
But she told me five minutes before that, that she thinks I have a twin flame. Which was so out of nowhere for me that it just stopped me. I was speechless for a couple seconds.
I've never really known much about twin flames... only heard the term a few times.
But I guess it means that it's the one soulmate you have that is actually the other half of your soul. The missing piece of you or your real other half.
She said she thinks I have one soulmate out there that im supposed to be with and that I will end up happy with them someday.
She sees that in my furture.
I laughed but it was so weirdly specific of her to say... that it almost gave me chills.
Because earlier that day I had accidently clicked on a video in my recommendations. You know how YouTube is. Some scorpio twin flame bullshit. I didnt watch it but I remembered laughing in my head at it earlier that day.
And the things shes told me before have been nothing short of psychic.
I keep telling her she needs to be a tarot reader. Cuz sometimes she just knows things. Way before they happen.
Just tells me things that are beyond coincidence.
I've always been skeptical about a lot.
But the shit she has said has been very hard to deny. Her intuition is impeccable.
And how nice would it be... to have someone out there meant for you? Someone that's actually a part of your soul. Someone that would fit with you better than anyone.
I asked if she thought it was her and she just said she didn't know.
I asked if she thought she had a twin flame and she said she hasn't seen it for herself.
I hope she does. I want her to be happy.
I asked how the fuck youre supposed to know a person is your other half.
She said its like you feel like you've known them for forever somehow.
Like you have this almost instant comfort with them or thinking about them. They make you feel comfortable but they also make you feel a lot. So much that you can't forget
I guess all soulmates have that in a way. But she said this one is different because you always come back to them. There's always this undeniable attraction and pull. Like they're just supposed to be in your life somehow. Like you're supposed to be with them because they're the missing part of your soul. They're the big love of your life. No one else compares.
The whole conversation was a lot to take in and its something I've thought about a lot since then and I dont know why.
Maybe because it would just be so fucking easy. I wish we all had some easy way to tell... who would make us happiest. Who would help us to grow the most. Who has our best interests at heart.
But there's no fairy godmothers or magic mirrors or genies in a bottle in this life. Its all trial and error. Its learning to observe people's actions toward you along with using your intuition to know whether people are trustworthy and right for you. Whether they really love you.
Or whether they just love the idea of you. Whether they just want to posses you or not.
And whoever proves to give me their full trust, their most genuine self to me, is the one who will find the world with me.
The life I've lived and plan on continuing has been and will be a great adventure, but not without its fair share of struggles as any life has. And I want someone who wants me enough to stick with me through those struggles. Someone who I can count on just as they will learn they can count on me.
I want someone who wants me with the same ferocity, who meets my energy, who shares my passion. I want someone who wants to spoil me and please me as much as I want to do that and beyond for them.
I want to know for sure... without a doubt, that this person is mine. The love of my life and no one compares. I want them to know for sure that I'm the one they want.
I want fireworks and tension and bliss. I want safety and trust and a home in a heart.
I want something real. Not for show. Not for my ego, not because everyone else is in a relationship. Not because I might feel lonely at the time, like so many people get into relationships for.
I want it to be 100% real.
I want to know and feel completely.
And I won't settle for less.
Do I think I have someone out there meant for me?
Maybe.
I dont know if shes right. But I do know that conversation has stuck with me.
It's flattering... for someone mildly psychic to tell you they see you marrying your true soul mate someday.
Tho I also know I want to be happy again. Just with myself. I want to grow and cherish myself like I did before I let people's words get to me.
And for now that takes work from me.
