Always And Forever

Time/A Try For Change

*Sleep is timeless in the paths, you can't tell when or where time is, it's different here, bertholdt has all his time thinking*

Bertholdt: (if I had enough time I'd like to think I would try to change..but..I'm hoping for nothing..this is just how it is, if I apologized to everyone in this world it wouldn't change anything, I see my life, my death, over and over and over again..for eternity)

(the only good thing in it is annie and reiner, and it hurts, everytime, everytime is a new time, you would think for eternity this would get old...no...no....no...no,hell no, hell...that's a funny word .hell would be heaven for me..someone like me should be...under hell)

(all I feel..all I feel is. that's it,that's what I feel..did you hear me? Do you get it? I know what your thinking,saying...no your wrong it's not nothing..it's not even a word, you don't say it,you don't think it,you definitely don't feel it.. no,no,no,no,no,no,no, not blank,not silence, no words you think of is acceptable)

(stop...just stop..stop trying to figure it out, I already told you it's not even a word thats......better, thats it..just empty everything out, non existent, still though I still know them,annie and reiner from here..yea,that's a good thing,I still know who they are like we 3 are...tied together, the only peace I have here...no it's not the peace of death..this peace is different, I thought I would never know it, but here I have it.....it's so small...I have to keep it safe, I have to hold it..as long as I can, even when my arms give up I have to hold it..... this is a happy peace..i like it,I need it, I would be forever insane if I didn't struggle to keep them)

(reiner,the best friend I could ask for,I'll never hate you for leaving..I was weight, but you are armor for a reason, made to carry me..and you...annie...do you remember me? Do you want to?even now, my love is real..is this suffering? I am to forever love for eternity but knowing I can't, I've been restricted..and this alone is enough torment for me to break, my love for you will never die, even if you don't love me..it's ok, I'm dead, I can't say anything about it now, i saw..a glimpse of you,through him, every time it hurts to see how beautiful you are....have I...ever told you...how beautiful you are? all I can do now is suffer and wish you well)

(but it doesn't matter what I think, never did, I just wanted you to belong...hey...annie? Have I ever told you what this feels like now that you're so..far away? Hurt...this love...it hurts...it hurts so bad, I swear this heaven is killing me,but... I'll gladly die again for you, he better do everything..... everything he can, to stop this chaos and save you, because if he doesn't)....

...................................

(I will come back)