sent {krii7y} ✓

xxii

~*~ k r y o z ~*~

waking up to see lucas next to me was a shock, to say the least. i didn't expect him to stay the night, let alone sleep in my bed. i don't mind, of course, but it was definitely surprising to wake up next to him. i expected that, after everything we decided, we weren't going to do anything relationshipy, and this seems like more than just a hook up to me.

"lucas," i whispered, shaking his shoulder. 

his eyelids fluttered open and left a sleepy gaze my way, a cheesy smile growing on his lips. "mornin'," he replied groggily, his voice deeper and somewhat gravely. "your hair is fucked."

i felt my cheeks getting warm as i slowly tried to flatten out the blonde mop, which only made lucas chuckled. he closed his eyes and shoved his face into the pillow, a quiet groan coming from his mouth.

"morning to you, too," i mumbled. "we have school soon."

"no," he simply said, never moving a muscle.

"lucas."

"you're sore and i'm tired. no," he said more sternly, moving just enough to make direct eye contact. "okay?"

"uh... okay," i sighed, laying back down, facing him. "i thought we weren't doing this."

"we aren't." a pang in the heart. "i'm just not a quick fuck, not that mean."

as if he would know that, he was a virgin just a week ago, not that i was going to say anything. i simply agreed and tried to fall back asleep, despite how much i wanted it to mean more.

~*~

waking up the second time and still seeing lucas there should have been less of a surprise, but it was just as shocking as the first time. i assumed he would have left while i was asleep, but i was wrong again. i didn't bother trying to wake him up this time and instead headed downstairs to eat some food. lucas was right. i had a hard time walking around without making a face, so it may have been smart to stay home for the day. it was only 11, so it wasn't too late, but i still felt guilty for skipping.

i cringed as i lowered myself down in a chair at the dining table, a bowl of cereal in front of me. the stairs creaked and lucas appeared shortly after. he was rubbing his eye with his wrist as he walked closer.

"morning again," i chuckled lightly, making him smile.

"how's your ass?" he smirked, sitting down across from me.

"oh, come on," i groaned. "already?"

"okay, it's sore, i get it," he chuckled. "i have to go soon, but i can take care of you for a few minutes if you need me to."

"i'm okay, nothing i haven't had to deal with before. thank you though."

he smiled before standing up and walking to the door, giving a quick goodbye before leaving. it felt odd watching him leave. it wasn't new and it's not weird, but it didn't feel right, it's not what i wanted. of course, i'm not going to get what i want in this situation, am i?

~*~

"the school called," my mother said sternly as she brought a bite of food to her mouth. i choked on the sip of water i had just taken and looked away, not wanting to see how she was looking at me. "so i take it you didn't go to school then."

"n-no," i coughed, looking back to my plate.

"care to explain why?"

i looked up at her and sighed. she wasn't mad, at least, didn't look it, but there was not a full innocence to the look either. "lucas came over." she raised her eyebrows as she nodded, never looking away from me. she motioned me with her hand to continue on. "i don't know what else i can say." a bold face lie.

"how come i barely know of this boy? i only met him, what, yesterday?"

"i didn't think it was that important," i answered, mostly truthfully.

"you always get excited about boys and telling me about them, why not now?"

"mom," i groaned.

"just a question, dear."

"because nothing's going to happen, he isn't important. can we forget it?" i asked, slightly more aggressive than i meant it, but it stopped her from asking more.

~*~

the breeze blew through the air, leaving a crisp, clean scent. a leaf floated down from the tree overtop of me, dropping the foliage onto my lap. i chuckled at the small gesture, wiping a tear off my cheek.

it's silly, isn't it? crying over a boy? there's no reason to be sad, he's still in my life, we're still together in a sense, so why waste my tears?

i love him.

i love lucas, and i want so badly to be more. i know it's an impossible request, despite being seeingly reasonable, but i can tell that nothing is going to change. never will i be able to fully experience the thoughts i've had for years.

and i have to learn to be okay with that.