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Thirty Seven

Sharonda told me though that he's still really angry with me, and once again while I get it, it does piss me off a little bit. When Kim got pregnant, yeah I was angry at first, but I came to terms with it and just wanted to be there to support him. He refuses to do that for me just because it's not his baby and as Sharonda put it, "he thinks you're fucking up your life." That's what really made me the most angry, he should know me better than that. He should know I would never do this without a plan, but he's just lashing out and hates a baby that's not even born yet. I love Hailie to death, and i'll always love her, regardless of if she's Kim's or not. But of course that's not reciprocated from Marshall, which in all honesty hurts more than anything. Because if he can't love my baby the same way I love Hailie, then I don't know if he ever really loved me to begin with. 

"Aww, Tiyana look at this!" Dana cooed as she picked up I swear the worlds ugliest maternity dress. "Once your bump gets a little bigger this would be so cute on you." 

I forced a smile. "Yeah, it's nice." I lied. "But I'm just not much of a dress wearer." 

Dana groaned. "You're not much an anything maternity wearer. I swear you haven't liked a single thing I've picked out!" 

I shrugged. "Yeah I just- these all look like they're made for 40 year olds." 

"Nu uh, not that dress. That dress was super cute." She said as we continued down the store, touching random clothes on the racks here and there. 

I sighed. "Look I'm kinda bored of this, do you just wanna go get something to eat and leave?" 

"How can you be bored of shopping for maternity clothes?!" 

"Well for one, I'm not super excited about getting so fat that I need different clothes, two, these are all ugly, and three, I'm hungry and my feet hurt." 

Dana gasped. "Are you getting those chubby ankles already?!" She whispered. 

I laughed. "No! We've just been walking for so damn long I'm getting tired."

"Fine, we can leave. But when you only have Devon's t-shirts to wear because you refused to get anything, that's your own fault." 

"Yeah well, I'm only planning on gaining no more than 15 pounds so." I said as we turned around to make our way out of the store and back towards the mall's food court. 

"What?! That's impossible, Tiyana. You're so tiny, you're gonna have to gain way more than that." 

I raised my eyebrows. "Well I'm not going too." 

We both went silent for a moment as we continued walking. "Can I be honest with you for a second?" 

I nodded. "Yeah, 'course. What's up?" 

"You don't seem very excited about this." 

"About what? The baby?" I glanced towards her with my brows furrowed and she nodded. "No that's not true, I am." 

"Then why wont you do anything baby related?" 

"What do you mean? I just did. We went maternity clothes shopping." 

"Yeah, but you didn't buy anything." 

"Yeah because I didn't like any of it." 

"Tiyana we went to like six different stores, and you didn't buy a single thing." 

I shrugged. "So?" 

"And you've also been really weird about the nursery."  

"Yeah because I don't wanna buy anything for it until I know the sex, obviously."