The Ballad of Shotgun Annie

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My prom was ruined when the apocalypse came,
In part 'cause my date was such a bad aim.
He wouldn't listen when I said shoot for the head,
So they kept coming and he ended up dead.

Zombies trapped the students all in the gym.
Even the class president, and I kinda liked him.
I've since tried, but finding a boyfriend is hard,
When the dead catch your highschool off guard.

I hide at night to avoid the bite of a stray.
But I spend my time blasting zombies by day.
The boom stick is my weapon of choice,
When I shoot it bellows with a baritone voice.

My gun Grace has become my best friend,
Cause most people I meet come to a bad end.
These days I'm a lonely girl filled with dread,
In a world mostly populated by the undead.

I had come to accept I would die all alone,
A bitter, dried up, zed killing old crone.
But one day while out forraging supplies,
I ran into a boy with beautiful brown eyes.

He was tall, heavily armed, gorgeous and spry.
In short, everything I'd ever want in a guy.
The ghouls had him surrounded on every side,
But he stood fast, killing zombies with pride.

In haste, Grace and I ran to his aid.
"Keep shooting!" I yelled, he obeyed.
Together we held them off, back to back,
Fending off a massive undead attack.

For hours our guns belched hot lead and fire.
So many! We'd gone from the pan to the fryer.
It was close, but before all our ammo'd run out,
Grace and I dropped the last zed with a shout.

The fight over, I turned to meet my new beau.
"I'm Alice," I said. He smiled and just said hello.
He was so cute! I pulled him in close for a kiss,
Our time together would be end-of-the-world bliss.

Tommy was a boy of wit, manners and charm.
We spent the rest of that day strolling, arm in arm.
At a park we stopped to rest for a space,
And Tommy offered to reload my Grace.

We swapped stories about that first terrible night.
Both of us lost loved ones to the walking dead blight.
That was behind us now, things would be better.
We'd face the hordes of undead, we two together.

But mine is that classic girl meets boy tale,
Of a most epic relationship fail.
This great fella by whom I'd been smitten?
Yeah, turned out he'd already been bitten.

He swore to me "It's nothing. I'm fine, I'm alright!"
But nothing pisses me off more than hiding a bite.
To my shoulder I raised up my BFF Grace,
Pulled the trigger and blew off Tommy's face

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