"Why did you guys break-up?" McKenna asked me.

"That's another question."

I could tell that I was pissing her off. But I really just didn't want to talk about it.

It was uncomfortable. It showed my weaknesses and vulnerability. And it was what lead my final depression before the suicide attempt.

Why would I want to talk about that?

McKenna just rolled her eyes. "Then deal the cards."

I did so, and ended up winning the hand.

I first took a bite of my food, thinking about what question I wanted to ask.

"What are your parents' names?"

She seemed surprised by my question.

I thought it was pretty legitimate. I'm supposed to meet these people in a few weeks and I don't even know their names.

"My dad's name is Henry and my mom's name Janet," she informed me.

I nodded.

She chuckled, shaking her head.

I won the next round as well.

"I'm dealing next time," she informed me, raising an eyebrow.

"How long were you home with your sister before your parents got there?"

She was silent for a few moments, stunned by my question.

I guess I like to throw real curveballs.

"I called an ambulance," she said, quietly. "So the ambulance was there in like 2 minutes flat. And then my parents were there a few minutes after that, I don't know exactly how long. But I needed the ambulance to bring her back, you know? I just needed them to save her."

And then she dealt the next round of cards. And won.

"Why did you and your previous girlfriend break up?"

"Why do you have an obsession with her?"

"Because you're acting really cryptic and edgy."

I wrapped my arms around my shins.

McKenna had been more than honest with me. It was my turn.

Even though I really didn't want to.

"We moved a lot faster than you and I," I stated, my voice monotone. "And I'd get panic attacks quite frequently, but we'd keep trying new things because I wanted to know. I wanted to test my boundaries."

I'd never been with a girl before. I didn't know.

"And so one night we decided that we were going to do it."

McKenna's eyes widened.

"And we didn't get anywhere with it, because I had a massive panic attack and like this emotional breakdown in the middle of her dorm room," I stated, staring at the sky. "And it was highly embarrassing. And she freaked out and called the school nurse and I convinced them not to call Parker. But we ended things because you can't really move past seeing your boyfriend have a breakdown in the middle of your bedroom when you're supposed to be having sex."

And then the silence stretched between McKenna and me.

Like I knew it would.

Because it was the most embarrassing moment of probably my entire life.

"I think that's bullshit," McKenna finally stated.

My gaze snapped down to meet hers.

"You can too move past that, if you really want to. It's just a panic attack."

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