Becoming Ready

Chapter 26 - What We Have

Thankfully, Taylor answered her phone on the third ring.

"What's up babe?" she asked, cheerfully.

               Her tone changed immediately when Charlie began to speak. She let Charlie finish the story, and when she was done, Taylor was quiet for a moment. 

"Okay so, you're on your way to see Shawn then, right?" she asked.

Charlie exhaled. "He hasn't called me all day, Tay. Shouldn't he be the one trying to find me?  To explain himself to me?"

"Do you love him or not, Charlie?"

"I do," she admitted.

"Then find him, and work this out," Taylor said. "You know he doesn't actually want that girl. There's gotta be a reason for what happened."

Charlie knew she was right. "Ugh, fine. I'm on it."

               She texted Shawn and asked him to meet her down by the beach. He responded almost immediately that he would be there.

               She parked her car and saw that he was already there when she arrived. He stood on the sand near the bike path, hands in his pockets, looking like he hadn't slept in two days.

"Charlie, I am so sorry. I'm the biggest idiot on the planet," was the first thing he said when she got close enough.

She shook her head, her heart twinging in pain. "You're not an idiot, Shawn. But you lied to me. I just want to know what happened. I don't care if you think it sounds stupid."

He breathed out. "Ok first of all, not that this matters, but the kiss barely lasted half a second. She kissed me, I pulled away immediately, asked her to leave, and then I straight up left the room. Like, I locked myself in the bathroom."

"Okay..." Charlie absorbed what he was saying. That did make her feel a bit better. "So that was how she had your phone?"

"Yeah, that must have been when you called," he rubbed his face with his hand as he remembered Kaley had answered his phone. "And the reason why she was even at my place in the first place was because she was 'returning my wallet,'" Shawn continued, using air quotes. "I have no clue how she got it. It must have happened when we were all hanging out in the group. So she came by to drop it off, and then asked me if she could come in. I thought she had to pee, or something."

               Charlie thought about how Kaley must have been trying to figure out how to get Shawn alone for weeks, because of the bet. Taking his wallet so she'd have to come by his apartment when all his roommates were gone was pretty smart.

She couldn't help but feel slightly relieved, hearing how all this went down. It was nowhere near as bad as she pictured. "Okay, but why didn't you just tell me?"

"Honestly? I felt so awful right after it happened. I shouldn't have let her in my apartment at all, she's been way too flirty and I should have realized her intentions. But I wanted to just forget about it forever," Shawn took a shaky breath. "The stupid part is, I tried to hide it from you because I was afraid you would break up with me."

She frowned. "Why would I break up with you over that? If you had just told me that to begin with, we wouldn't be in this situation."

"Well, for weeks Kaley has been saying things, about you and River," Shawn answered, running his hand through his hair anxiously. "I told her I wasn't worried about you and him, but she kept talking about your chemistry, or whatever. A part of me couldn't help but think she was right, and that you were going to leave me for him. I figured if you knew about Kaley kissing me, you'd definitely leave me. I mean, you tried to tell me she made you uncomfortable when you met her at the meeting, and then I let this happen..."

Charlie listened to what Shawn was saying, guilt creeping into her chest as he talked about River. Kaley had meddled, big time, but it wasn't like what she said was entirely false.

"Why didn't you call me all day?" she asked.

"Literally, just so you couldn't end things between us," Shawn said, with a humorless laugh. "I guess I was trying to hold off the inevitable. But I know I violated your trust. I deserve to be broken up with."

"Shawn..."

"We are breaking up, aren't we?" he asked, his eyes full of pain.

They had been through so much together. She had waited for him and his sobriety, and he had been patient with her. Sometimes Shawn was so sweet and understanding, she forgot that he was human. But between Kaley and River, this past month had been a lot to deal with, even for her level-headed boyfriend.  And she hadn't been completely innocent on her end. There was an uncomfortable amount of truth in whatever Kaley had been telling Shawn about her and River.

God, life was complicated sometimes.

She shook her head, "No, I want to work this out."

He looked visibly relieved. "Really?"

She nodded.

He breathed out and walked toward her. "I do too."

She held out her arms, and he rushed over to embrace her, burying his face in her hair. They held each other for a minute, not saying anything.

If she wanted Shawn to be honest with her, she was going to have to be honest with him. As much as she didn't want to tell him, she'd be a hypocrite if she didn't. She broke the hug and looked at him.

"There's something I have to tell you too. I almost let River kiss me tonight."

Shawn looked like he was going to be sick. "Because you were angry at me?"

"No," she answered, feeling awful. "I mean, maybe. I was pretty upset that you hadn't called all day. But that wasn't the only reason. While we were filming and working together, we got close. Not like, physically. The only time we actually kissed was for the movie... but I confided in him and stuff."

"So, you do have feelings for him," he said, looking down.

Charlie thought about everything that happened at the wrap party. She could never have real feelings River, not like the ones she had for Shawn. "No, I don't. Whatever it was, it was weird. It was nothing like how I feel about you. I just felt like I could tell him things about myself, and he shared things with me as well. But ultimately this has all made me realize that I want you, only you, not him."

He was quiet for a moment as he thought about what she said.

"I want you too," he finally replied. He pulled her toward him again and kissed her. She was so relieved she almost melted on the spot.

When the kiss was over, she leaned back. "So you're not upset at me?"

"I appreciate you being honest about it, you did better than me," he said. "But I want to be the one you confide in, not River. And vice versa. I'll never keep anything from you again." 

"I want that as well," she agreed.

He smiled, and her heart lifted. Maybe they were going to be okay after all.

"Oh, there's one other thing I should tell you," she added.

"Oh god, what..."

"River and Kelly had a bet on who could kiss one of us first."

"What?!" Shawn's eyes widened.

"Yep," she nodded wryly.

He laughed, absolutely shocked. "Wow."

"I guess some people get off on ruining other people's relationships," Charlie shrugged, even though she wasn't sure that was River's only aim.

"Well I don't care how hard they try, no one can ever ruin what we have," he said, bringing his lips to hers again.

***I hope you are happy with this result! I know I am. I have been writing Shawn as the "perfect boyfriend," which he still is, in many ways, but I wanted to show that everyone has flaws. He still battles self-esteem issues, he has his own self doubts, and he can be just as insecure as the next person. But he's still my favorite leading man. Xx