Sorry for not publishing in quite a while, but there's tons of shit happening and I literally forgot this chapter. That's why it's so weird and short. Next chapter will be better though.
I have sperm on my laptop, which makes it very uncomfortable to type since it is all clibbery and sort of bumpy where I have my hands. That reminds me of what I told Mango last night. After we had sex we usually take a shower, get something to drink or make some food. Or in some cases we just fall asleep. Last night we were making food and while I was drinking Mango grabbed my hand and licked on my index finger (this was of course a try to make me turned on, and it works). I then said I had sperm on my fingers from when we had sex and he started spitting and trying to lick the sperm of his tongue on his pyjamas trousers instead. The funny part is that it was no sperm on my fingers, only inside me probably. He gave me the most murderous look I've ever seen and then he threatened with fucking me while I was asleep. It didn't happen though; I would probably wake up if he tried to fuck me while I was asleep. Believe me, some guys you know are trying to get in. While others... Let's just say that they are not as lucky with their gear as others.
Someone once told me that it's not what a guy have between his legs (size and all) but how he uses it. And that's just right. You can probably fuck a guy with the biggest penis you've ever seen, but as long as he's not good at using it, it doesn't really matter. Then it's much better with someone who's smaller and actually knows how to use it. I have had a few guys that think they are so damn good in bed just because their gear is huge. But when it actually comes to the point where he's going to show what he's good for, it turns out he sucks. The average penises are usually the best, that's an advice. But it's not at all just if he can use his little fella down there. There's a lot behind sex that makes it much better. Like things you're in to or if you’re the right kind of sex partners (if I can call it that). One time I had red hand marks on my neck from the strangling. Thank God it was weekend and they disappeared just in time for school. How do you explain that to a very curious teacher? I have had to explain my red and blue nose, a knee I could barely walk on, why I've looked so hangover, the blue hickeys on my neck and also if I'm a whore or not. But it's quite okay, the teacher and I have the same kind of humour (which is quite hard for some to understand). If I told him that I fucked my ex in the pub bathroom he would probably answer something like "You should have taken me instead". He's an old, short and fat teacher but it doesn't even bother me if he's a little creepy at times. His youth is long gone and then he maybe takes out all the fun on his students instead. And besides, he's helping me a lot since I have a really hard time catching up with school nowadays.
Last night I was very tired and almost fell asleep as me and mango was having a little chat, about life, sex and the outer space (conversations we have at least once a day). When we were talking about sex I couldn't help but noticing how uncomfortable he is about talking about things he wants to do to me. I notice that he wants to say it, but he's like a little girl that's giggling and hides under the duvet. It's kind of cute actually. Once I said I wanted to have sex with a girl once, and he said "Me too." Very. Funny. But sometimes I feel more like a guy than a girl. Mango said that I talked about sex like a guy. There's no shame in it, so why should I start giggle and hide my face? Everywhere I've heard that I'm so guy-like... Why? Because I like talking about sex? Because I'm open about it? I'd rather be straight up honest than hiding truths everywhere. Because the truth always catches up to you.
Anyway, the list. We made a list about sex. When we talk about sex we usually talk about the most perfect places to have sex. And the most imperfect places. Both seem, to me, quite thrilling as long as I don't have to have sex while someone's watching. It happened once, and it was very uncomfortable the day after when I suddenly remembered everything. Poor Mango, he came on one of his best friends that night. And I love to remind him of that as well.
A while ago, we were driving home from Oslo and I sat and teased him for a three hour long drive, that's when the list started. On the top of the list is to have sex on a beach, on a piano and under water. But right now all of this seems so... distant. There's is so much happening and everything that is left is chaos. And you know those times when you just regret what you said back then because it's not like that at all nowadays. So I have to start over and say some things that you might want to hear.