You are scared that if you get a boyfriend, you would cling on to him for dear life. You would be so paranoid that he is just leading you on. Another friend that you can be true to. You change yourself for him. For him to want you and need you. Because that is what you want since forever. You would scare him away, leaving you alone once again. Your friends may or maynot be there for you. Depends whether they even know or not. Loneliness is beginning to feel too normal for your liking but there s nothing you can do about it.
Your parents tell you stories of their friendship. You see them going out to tea with their friends from secondary school. Is this how true friends are supposed to be? You haven't experienced such friendships before. You wonder how it would be to just be welcomed in somewhere. You are jealous of everyone who seems to have found their place in their friends. You want to have everlasting friendships and memories. Like your parents. Like everyone else.