If I Knew Then

Chapter 45: Happy Together

It was the first day of the US tour, two months after Brian had gone through the surgery to fix the hole in his heart. He’d been going through rehearsals but tonight was the real thing. 

“How are you feeling? Excited? Nervous?” Nick asked him when they arrived at the venue. Brian had stopped to wave at the fans waiting outside and he stopped for some fans that found their buses outside the arena. Nick had joined in too, keeping an eye on him from afar. Nick could see that Brian was feeling anxious. He’d thrown up twice the night before and had to take an anxiety pill to go to sleep, Nick rubbing his back until his eyes were closed. He almost didn’t eat breakfast that morning but Nick insisted. Brian protested that he was fine but Nick wouldn’t hear any of it. 

“I can’t eat, Nick. I feel like I want to blow chunks as you would put it.” 

“You either eat or I won’t have fun with you tonight after the show like I promised you when we woke up.” Nick said, raising an eyebrow at him while he pouted.

“That’s not fair.” 

“I don’t give a shit, now eat.” Nick demanded with a smile as he ate his own breakfast. Brian chuckled at him and went to eat his toast. 

At the venue, the other guys all greeted Brian. There was an ambulance waiting outside in case Brian needed it because nobody knew what was going to happen with his first show. The ambulance being present did not ease Brian’s feelings about the whole thing. He wondered if he was doing the right thing going back so soon, it had only been two months. Was he ready to do this? What if something happened while he was performing? 

“How are you feeling, bro?” AJ asked, interrupting Brian’s thoughts.

“Like I want to barf.” Brian confessed.

“You’ll be fine, the paramedics are backstage and we are all here in case something goes wrong.” Howie added, patting Brian on the back. Brian gave them a weak smile as Kevin came over and also asked him how he was doing. He was doing his best to hold it together, but he couldn’t take his mind off of the fact that it was his first show back and something could possibly happen. Luckily Kevin provided a welcome distraction by changing the subject of the conversation backstage. 

“So where did you two go off to last weekend?” Kevin whispered, nodding towards Nick’s direction when AJ and Howie were out of ear shot. Nick was sitting on the couch in the dressing room playing on his game boy. 

“We went to Myrtle Beach. I got a hotel room for the weekend.” Brian whispered.

“Really? What about Leighanne? Did she know you went with him?” Kevin asked. 

“There’s something I need to tell you guys about that, but it’s gonna have to wait until later.” Brian said. He knew that he and Nick would not be able to hide the fact that they were together from AJ and Howie for long, so he wanted to talk to Nick before addressing the situation with the group. 

“Hey, Nick...before we go on, can I talk to you?” Brian asked while they were waiting for the others to get ready to go out on stage. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yes, I’m fine. I wanted to talk to you about something else. I was thinking tonight we could tell the other guys about what happened between me and Leighanne. I just wanted to ask how you felt about that first because I know how important all of this is to you and I don’t want to out you if you aren’t comfortable.” Brian said softly, making sure nobody was within earshot. Nick sighed and looked at his feet, his eyes searching. Brian was worried he'd offended him but after a minute he spoke.