Bench Conversation

Me, Myself & I

You see that kid sitting in the corner of the school, always by himself, either playing on his video games or listening to his mp3 ? Yeah that was me. 

I didn't get my first real friend till I was 18. Shocker, isn't it ?

It's not that I don't like people, it's just that I've always been too shy and as a result of that, people have either always put me aside or just completely ignored me. Unless they were actually beating me up for whatever reason they had.

I always pitied them. How low do you have to stoop to beat up someone just because they are the way they are. But at the same time, they were surely compensating for something they were missing. I was more or less confident enough to be myself, but not enough to stand up to those that were abusing me at the time. I envied those that could just be with their friend after school and hang out, or even just have something to do on the week ends, unfortunately, I didn't have that chance. All the acquaintances I made through high school were using me for one reason or another. At the end of the day, I was sad, and hoped that college would change me and change things a bit. But in the meantime, I kept staring at that computer screen, living adventures through the stories of my heroes and series I was watching, feeling empathy when they were happy and sad when drama happened to them. I'd look outside my bedroom window and think, maybe one day I'll be able to be out till the lights go down and I'll come home laughing and feel how I'm lucky to have such amazing friends. But that didn't happen for a while.

When I look back on my life, I have no regrets, if not for the one to wish I had had more guts back then. Expressing myself, standing up for myself, be more outgoing and show people I could be their friend, and not just another body count in the classroom. 

I had all these hopes and dreams. 

Where am I now ? 

I'm on a bench. I've had my share of emotions and experiences over the years, but here I am now. I used to wear headphones and listen to music a lot, block out the outside world's noise, just because of the anxiety of hearing someone's cruelty about me, about how I look, about how I'm dressed. Yeah that happened before. I made myself a vow to never let anyone hurt me again that way, so I found the way: headphones and music. 

I wish I didn't have stories to tell, but boy do I. However, today is not one where I will tell my stories. Today is the day I tell you about other people's stories. 

Stories they told me like secrets. Stories that needed to be heard.

It's funny 'cause I used to be so scared of leaving the house without my headphones, but one day I sat down and somebody talked to me, as if we had been friends forever. Told me their stories. Shared. And for that short instance, I wasn't alone anymore. I was with a friend, having a discussion, getting interested and invested in what happened. Sometimes I laughed, sometimes I cried. But I'll never forget them.

Those bench conversations I had with all of them...