(18+) RED (Complete)

Ch. 40: Bare

"Dance with me."

For an eternity that probably only lasted three seconds or so, we simply stared into each other's eyes and soaked up the moment, while his question lingered unanswered in the air. And when I finally placed my hand in his, it felt like a thunderstorm of sparkles that flew back and forth between us, and made me shudder in bliss. Then he pulled me closer and placed his hand on my lower back, and everything felt like it was falling into place. It felt so right that it was scary. And when I looked at the rose that was clenched between my right hand and his left, I had to close my eyes because of how strongly I felt about everything.

We moved in silence. One small step after another, dancing to the beat of Mother Earth and our hearts. Just the two of us under the moon, and our bare feet against the soil. His skin looked golden in the light of the dying bonfire, and it was like his eyes stared straight into my soul. I was vulnerable but admired, small, yet so incredibly powerful, and it was all because of him.

"Happy birthday, Mia," he whispered, but I was too enthralled by the moment to thank him. Instead I sunk further into his body and rested my head on his shoulder. He smelled like heaven. And the way we moved together in this slow, passionate waltz was as close to perfection as it was possible to get.

He gently pushed me away a couple of times to slowly make me spin around him, for the sole purpose of being able to admire me in my new dress. And even though I normally would feel extremely self-conscious about it, I didn't. Then he pulled away for the last time and kneeled down in front of me, with his arms stretched out on each side, before he put the rose down on the ground between us to symbolize that the dance was over.

Luckily he didn't just stand up and walk away. He pulled me back into his arms and rested his palms on my hips, while he leaned his forehead against mine, and we kept smiling at each other for no apparent reason at all. His gaze kept shifting, and altered between looking at my lips and my eyes, until they fully landed on my lips.

"You have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now," he said quietly, almost sounding sad. And there was nothing more I wanted than for him to do exactly that. But was it too soon? If I let him kiss me now, would everything change again? Would the ugly memories disappear, or would they keep ruining what honestly felt so good that it hurt to keep it away? I didn't know. And I hesitated so long that Michael cleared his voice and pulled away.

"It's been a long day. I think maybe we should go to bed. The sun will probably be up in a couple of hours, so..."

He refused to look at me, and I felt bad. And after we'd said good night and walked into our separate tents, I felt even worse. My sadness about the shitty stuff that went down between us months ago, had now turned to frustration. And with frustration, a surprisingly strong anger followed, and I almost cursed out loud.

Michael was right. What we had was worth fighting for. The past few hours had been the happiest moments I'd had in such a long time that I couldn't even remember. Probably ever.

I was tired of pushing everything and everyone away. What could possibly go wrong anyway? At least Gabby wasn't here to ruin things now. And if Michael hurt me again... Well, at least I knew I would survive. I did it once and made it through, and now I was knowingly willing to risk it again. I didn't know how smart it was, but I guess I just had to wait and see. I just knew for sure that there would never ever be a third chance, because that...

That would really kill me.

I paced back and forth, having an internal battle with common sense, my long suppressed risk-taker and my good old stubbornness. Michael did all this for one reason only, and that was for me to have the time of my life. And he'd succeeded with bravour. Yet here I was and couldn't even give him a kiss to say thank you?!

I undressed, carefully not to ruin the beautiful dress, and put on the pair of pajamas. And despite the annoyance at myself, I smiled when I saw the cute bunny slippers on the floor next to the bed. They were fluffy and super warm around my feet, and they alone weighed up for my wet braids, that still felt unpleasantly cold against my scalp and neck. I was more angry with myself for ruining the moment we just had.

Would it be awkward to walk over to his tent and kiss him now? After all, it's what we both wanted, right? No. He probably didn't anymore. And now he'd think I was stupid for going back and forth all the time. I couldn't blame him either, because I was even more confused and frustrated than him.

"Ah, fuck it," I mumbled. Then I grabbed my lantern, opened the curtain door and tip toed over to Michael's tent. But how do you knock on a door made of polyester?

"Uhm... Knock, knock," I said awkwardly, and thought I heard him say something. But when I entered, I saw him lying on the bed, looking like he was asleep. His face was turned away from me, and he had an arm resting across his face and he was breathing deeply.

Damn. I was too late.

I stared at the ground. Just like in my tent there was a huge, thick woolen carpet in a Peruvian pattern, underneath a queen sized bed and a nightstand with the same charming lamp on it. And slippers. Only his slippers were black with many legs, looking like monstrous spiders.

"Ugh," I shuddered. He better not wear those anywhere near me. They looked like real spiders. And now... Wait. Despite the beautiful tents, we were still outside, weren't we? I mean, there had been mosquitoes and flies around us all night, although not as much as I'd expected. But spiders...

Suddenly I felt things crawling all over me, and was about to jolt out and back into my own tent. Then I realized that there could be equally many spiders in there. If I was bitten, I would rather get bitten someplace people could hear me calling for help. And if I didn't get help in time, at least I wouldn't die alone.

I cussed at my inner drama queen. Why did she always paint the most gruesome scenarios? And what was worse, why did I let myself sail away with the following anxiety? My therapist had said it so many times: "It's not what you experience. It's how you're dealing with these experiences." She was brutally right of course, and I hated every part of it, because this moment right here was a perfect example of how my mind always ran away with me. The only spiders that were here, were probably the two giant ones on the floor, made out of plastic and whatever. And if there were more, they weren't poisonous. Hopefully.

"Get a grip, Mia," I mumbled to myself. Then I climbed into Michael's bed and carefully lied down next to him. If he wanted me gone, he would have to carry me. But he was still sound asleep and gave no response to my presence at all. Maybe I could save face if I left before he woke up? After all, he had to be pretty tired after being awake for so long. I, on the other hand, had been sleeping for an unhealthy amount of hours thanks to that drug, plus the hours in the car.

Yeah. That was a good idea. Rest here, sneak out before he wakes up and pretend like normal. We still needed to talk about things, but I guess it could wait a little longer. But as for now, I stole the privilege to lie next to him and listen to his breathing. The only warmth I had was the one radiating from his body, since I didn't dare to climb under his covers, but it'd do, even though I felt a bit cold. My raging mind would probably keep me warm enough, anyway.

I hoped that I would manage to relax if I could just stay close to him, but I couldn't. In a way it only made my thoughts spin harder, since he was the center of them. I was actually so close to get up and leave, desperate to make them stop, that I became startled when Michael rolled over to his side and wrapped his arm around me in his sleep. And somehow he also wrapped some of his duvet over me as well. At least partially. And with the warmth from his body and his steady breathing against my shoulder, I gradually managed to calm down.

And with calmness came...