Sincerely, Sarah Miller (T)

105 5 1
                                    

Sincerely, Sarah Miller

rosewriterx


Initial Impression: (cover, title & blurb)

I was not overly impressed with your cover. It's aesthetically pleasing, but I don't see it relating to the story at all- correct me if I'm wrong. I'd suggest doing a complete redo of it. Could you make it in the style of a letter or something associated with your plot? I think that would be beneficial for your story. Your cover is very important in a judgemental place like Wattpad. It's the first thing people see and it truly makes or breaks the decision a reader makes to read your story.

I am in love with your title. It's catchy, unique and it makes me want more. It also relates to the story very well. Excellent job here.

I really like how short and snappy your blurb is. However, it describes very little of the story and even excludes the main character. I'd recommend keeping what you have but adding more about Avery and the mystery your story deals with. Here's a suggestion:

It doesn't get worse than a dead best friend.

Or, at least that's what Avery thought. But then the letters show up, addressed to Avery and signed by her dead best friend- and that's when Avery realizes it does, in fact, get worse. Three-hundred and sixty-five letters, full of feelings, experiences, and most importantly- clues. Clues that allude to things Avery didn't know. Things that suggest Sarah's suicide may not be what it seems.

I'd also recommend adding Nick in there somewhere, but that's just something I quickly typed up. I'm sure you can come up with something better.

9/15


Logistics: (grammar, spelling & dialogue)

For the most part, your grammar is proper. However, I do notice you have unnecessary commas a lot. A comma is very helpful, but if you have too many your writing becomes choppy. I recommend going through your chapters and asking yourself: 'do I really need a comma here?' It will help your flow. Try reading them aloud as well. 

I'm not perfectly educated on commas myself, and I never truly understood the whole independent/dependant clause rules. Sometimes, I like to add a comma for dramatic effect or for some other creative reason- and that's okay. But some commas aren't creatively purposeful and just clutter the writing. In fact, when I edit a rough draft I just wrote, I usually take out approximately twenty commas in a four-thousand-word chapter- and that's just the first edit. Sometimes this happens because we write the way we talk, and we assume if we pause there should be a comma, but that's not always the case. We all make mistakes with those pesky commas, so just do some research on whether or not you should use one, and make sure you read through your chapters to see if you really need that comma.

You have a few spelling mistakes here and there. I'd recommend using something like Grammarly, which will pick out words that are in the wrong place despite the fact that they are technically still a word.

You have issues with your dialogue tags and punctuation. A dialogue tag is anything that describes the way something is said (ex. he screamed, she whispered, I asked). An action tag is anything that implies who is speaking by using an action (ex. he grinned, she raised an eyebrow, I blinked). Some verbs can be used as both, such as 'he groaned.' If you want to say he said something in a groan, it's a dialogue tag. If you want to say he said something and then he groaned, it's an action tag.

Dreamland Review ArchiveWhere stories live. Discover now