I made this crack fanfic for my needy cousin, she said, and quote. "Write me a Sonic dying with a JoJo ship."
I'm fucking dying inside. I'm literally an empty vessel right now. I don't care about spelling errors anymore kill me.
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Sonic was walking down the streets of Naples, looking for a crack addict to beat to death.
He knew the best places to find crack addicts were in dirty places or alleyways, so he found one, and when he entered it. He didn't see no damn crack addict.
The thing he saw was slightly dissapointing, he wanted to freaking scream because of the lack of addicts. Sonic thought that it'd be best to look deeper into the alleyway, maybe the fuckers were just shy.
He didn't see no damn crack addict, again. Instead he saw what seemed to be an angsty couple, were they on a date? Fucking incels. Who goes on a date in an alleyways.
Sonic walked up to them. They seemed to both be sleeping, but Sonic spoke anyways
"Sup shitters, you don't happen to know where the crack is? Do you?"
One of their eyes opened immediately upon hearing this.
"What the fuck, crack?" He said. He stood up on his two feet. Sonic nodded.
"Yeah dumbass." Sonic spoke. The blonde man kneeled to reach Sonics heights.
"Listen you fucker, failed hedgehog human hybrid, no nipple no penis dickface, tiny blue rabbit. We don't talk about crack, not when I'm around anyways." He gave him a cold stare.
Sonic didn't care about the other insults, but the no penis? HE IS WELL TO ASSURE THAT HE HAS A GIGANTIC PENIS.
"Listen here rapunzel looking shitter, I said I wanted to know where the crack is, fess up." Sonic pointed his glove clothed finger at the kid.
"I'm not telling you where no damn crack is virgin." The blonde flipped him off.
"What's your name cock sucker?" The blonde crossed his arms.
"First of all, I'm 15, I can't suck cock, second off, I'm not entitled to tell a filthy crack sniffer my name."
"Bitch I ain't no damn crack sniffer, I'm trying to beat up the crack sniffers to death." Sonic informed the stupid teenager.
"Oh? Really? Bad fucking wording then. Guess I can tell you, my name's Giorno Giovanna." He explained.
"The boy you were sleeping with?" Sonic pointed at the white haired kid beside him.
"His name is Pannacotta Fugo, we were waiting for stoners to come by so we could beat them to death." Giorno said. Sonic gasped, they basically had the same morals.
"Bro..." Sonic got teary eyed. It's like fate made it this way.
"He your bf or what?" He pointed at Fugo.
"Bruh."
"Fuck off." He said.
"Lol" Said the Sonic, "Lmao" Giorno slapped Fugo in the face to wake him up.
"GGRRRRRRSNARLSNARL WHAT THE FUCK GRRR." He screamed.
"We're gonna go beat some addicts with this blue baby, wanna come?" Fugo was delighted to join. He had nothing else to take his anger out on ever since Naroonca moved out.
"I'm a hedgehog you cretin." Sonic hissed, hostility and anger in his voice. Giorno rolled his eyes. They left the alleyway for some reason, the first thing they saw was a horny crack addict, humping a garbage can.
Sonic cracked his knuckles, he was going to speed over and knock that nasty ass chicken wing, worm smelling, toilet licking roach the fuck out.
But as soon as he moved his blue hairy feet, so did something else.
"SONCIC LOOK OUT-" Was the last thing he heard...before...
×CRASH×
"OH MY GOSH! FUGO CALL PETA!" He heard for a few brief moments.
"I'm not calling that garbage place for this ass licking rat." Sonic was too hurt to be offended by that statement.
"Yeah thought so." Sonic felt his 80cm head get placed on the syone cold concreate.
"It's okay sonic.....we'll beat him up...for you.." He heard. Then he heard punching screaming and kicking. The addict was most likely dead, he smiled, before his heartbeat began to die down.
Sonics soul left his body.
"These 50 seconds really were fun, kid..." Sonic says before he floated away. He saw Giorno raise his hand up to him, despite how far he was, he heard his words clearly.
"Goodbye, Sonic." He whispered. Sonics soul was levitating to heaven.
THE END.
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