Becoming Ready

Chapter 11 - Dinner With The Ex

Even though it was not a date, Cassius insisted on picking her up. Charlie tried to argue, but he still wanted to come get her. And no, he had not been deterred by the fact that she had a boyfriend.

She was a bundle of nerves while she waited. Earlier in the day she was so anxious she felt like she was going to vomit, but she had calmed down enough to function. She had gotten ready, and yes, she did look pretty. She might have been more mature than she used to be, but she hadn't quite achieved the level of enlightenment where vanity vanished.

Finally, her phone buzzed with a text from him, indicating he had arrived. Her anxiety flared up again. She steadied herself, inhaled deeply, and walked out the door.

Her living circumstances had changed significantly since they dated. As she turned to lock her front door, which had bars on it, she wondered if he thought less of her. Clearly her financial situation had taken a turn for the worse.

She opened the door of his shiny black Mustang and climbed in. "Hey," she said, putting on her cheeriest smile. Her heart was pounding a million beats a minute.

"Hey! New place?" he asked, with no detectable hint of judgment.

"Yeah, my dad lost his job," she explained, trying to keep her tone light. "He actually just found a new one, but it doesn't pay nearly as well. We had to downgrade from the house."

"Ah," he nodded.

They managed to make casual conversation on the way to the restaurant. Charlie figured they should probably save the bigger topics for when they were sitting face to face. With each passing minute she calmed down. She realized things always seemed scarier before they actually happened. All the buildup to this exact moment had been nearly unbearable.

They slid into a booth at the old school 60s style diner they had decided on. It was a restaurant they had gone to often back when they were together. The waitress came and took their order, and then they were alone again.

"So, what's been up?" Cassius asked her in his trademark casual tone.

"A lot," Charlie said, trying to figure out where to start. "Well, so I just told you about my family, and how we had to move. And now you know I'm going to the Art Institute. But originally I wasn't planning on going there this year."

He nodded. "What made you change your mind?"

"Mrs. Newman. You remember her, right?" Charlie asked, and he nodded. She continued, "She thought I was a talented enough actor to write me a letter of recommendation, which was so cool. She told me I should think about pursuing acting as a career."

Cassius snorted. "Seriously? Even though only like two percent of actors actually make a living?"

Charlie blinked, taken aback. "Well," she started.

He interrupted her. "And she thought you were that talented after seeing you in a high school play?"

She faltered. When he put it like that, it sounded really stupid. "Yeah," she said, deflated.

"I mean, I'm sure you were great," he said. "But Mrs. Newman liked to brag about her 'connections' at the Art Institute to anyone who would listen. I don't know if she's the person to listen to about what to do with your career."

"Right," she nodded, trying not to show any emotion. Maybe this dinner was going to be as stressful as she had imagined.

Their food arrived, providing a much-needed break in the conversation for Charlie. She tried to collect herself.

"What's been going on with you?" she asked him.

"I've been thinking of ditching Art School altogether, actually," he said, between bites of food. "It's kind of a waste of time."

"But you're in your third year," she pointed out, surprised at the revelation. "You're halfway done."

"True, but I don't know if I like filmmaking," he countered. "I've been learning all the technical stuff, like camera, audio, set design... but I think it's boring. And I tried classes in other avenues too, like architecture and graphic design. Nothing's really grabbed me yet."

"Got it," Charlie said. Calling the Art Institute a waste of time was a little rude, especially since she went there as well. But she did feel bad for him. From what she was gathering, he seemed restless and unfulfilled.

"I'm thinking of just taking next year off and traveling around the world," he continued.

Her sympathy somewhat disappeared when he said that. Cassius' family had money, way more than hers. They could totally pay for him to travel for a year, and he wouldn't have to work at all. When they first started dating, his parents had signed him up to study abroad in Europe for two months, but he came home early because he missed her. Nothing was holding him back now. She knew what kind of gap year he was talking about, and it was something only rich kids had the luxury of doing.

"Well, that sounds really nice," she smiled, trying to sound as genuine as possible, despite her thoughts.

"What else has been going on with you?" he asked her.

Charlie thought for a moment. He had already shot down the thing she was most proud of, acting and going to art school. She had hoped he would be happy for her.

"Well, I have a boyfriend, his name is Shawn," she answered, looking down at her plate and grabbing a french fry. It was just too awkward to say while making eye contact.

"Yeah, you mentioned," Cassius said. "How'd you guys meet?"

"Uh, through... friends," she replied. No way she was going to get into the whole Mara backstory.

"What does he do?"

"Well, he's really great with cars. He's a mechanic, and he's going to school for Automotive Engineering."

He nodded and said, "That's cool," but he didn't look impressed.

Silence stretched between them after that.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" she finally asked.

"Not at the moment," he answered. She wasn't surprised at his answer, but she didn't know how to respond either.

Some more quiet moments passed.

"I go to AA now," she offered, desperate to fill the silence. "I know the last time you saw me I was a bit of a mess. But I don't do that stuff anymore."

He raised an eyebrow. "Oh wow, things must have gotten really bad then, huh?" Now she could definitely tell he was judging her.

"Well, I mean, not really bad," she backpedaled. "I didn't get arrested or anything."

"Then why do you go?" he asked, confused. "Are you even an alcoholic?"

"I'm on the fence," she answered, her face getting warm from embarrassment.

"You could just stop drinking, you know. It doesn't need to be that big of a deal," he shrugged.

"I sort of already tried that..." she said.

Suddenly, it hit her. Had he always been like this, and she just hadn't seen it? He made her feel like everything she said was stupid, and she couldn't win.

As she stared across the table at the guy she had once planned to spend the rest of her life with, Charlie felt absolutely nothing but uncomfortable. The disconnect between them was so big, she couldn't even remember how they used to get along so well. At that moment, all she wanted to do was get in her car and drive to Shawn's apartment.

"Can we get the check?" she asked. 

**Curious to know how you guys feel about this conversation! Surprised/not surprised? And are you happy Charlie went, or no?

**Also this was the chapter that exhausted me after I wrote it, lol