Becoming Ready

Chapter 10 - Are You Free?

Charlie laid with her head on Shawn's chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. Her shirt was hiked up, and his hand was lazily tracing circles on the bare skin of her back. She hummed happily. It was one of her favorite sensations ever.

They were at Shawn's apartment, miraculously alone. All three of his roommates were out at a party. It was Friday night, and between work and school for the both of them, she hadn't seen him all week.

She had finished telling him the events of her first week at the Art Institute, but she had left one major thing out. Cassius' dinner invitation. She was going to tell him, of course. But she didn't want to spoil their time together just yet, since they so rarely got the chance to be alone.

She lifted her head and looked at him, wiggling her way up so she could reach his mouth to kiss him. He laughed at her movements, kissing her back when she succeeded.

"Hey," he said, interrupting the kiss. "Did you end up seeing your ex anywhere on campus? I know you were worried about that."

"Oh, yeah," she answered, breathing out. She slumped down, resting her head on his shoulder. She figured it was a matter of time before he asked.

"Well that doesn't seem very good," he replied, referring to her sudden change in demeanor.

"I wanted to talk to you about it, actually," she said.

His torso stiffened slightly. "Ok, what happened?"

She sat up, needing to look him in the eye to discuss it. "I saw him, yes. He asked me if I wanted to go get dinner and catch up. I said yes, but it was more of an automatic response. I can tell him no, if you feel uncomfortable about it, which you have every right to."

"If I feel uncomfortable about it? How do you feel about it?" he asked, sitting up as well.

Charlie sighed, thinking before she spoke. "If I went, it would be for closure, not because I still had feelings, or anything. I want to show him that I'm doing well."

"Why do you care if he knows you're doing well?"

"I... I don't know," she answered honestly. "Maybe because the last time I saw him I was a drunk mess, and I completely embarrassed myself. Maybe I just want to redeem myself. Look, I know this sounds weird, and if you really hate the idea, then I'm not going. Simple as that. I don't want to jeopardize our relationship."

Shawn was quiet. Charlie could tell he was deep in thought, so she didn't want to push him to answer. She just sat in silence with him.

Finally, he spoke. "If anyone understands clearing up the wreckage of their past, it's me. Like in AA, when you do step nine, you make amends to people you've wronged... but I don't think you have anything to apologize to him for, so in my mind, it doesn't quite make sense."

She shook her head. "Yeah, I wouldn't be going to apologize." 

He continued. "On the other hand, I know you're going to see him around school a lot, so it might be nice for you to clear the air." 

"Right," she said.

"Charlie, if you feel like it's something you want to do, I'm not going to stand in your way."

She nodded, surprised at his response. "But are you going to be angry with me afterward if I go?"

"You mean, am I going to punish you just like he did every time he got jealous in your relationship? No, that's not who I am," Shawn answered.

Charlie breathed a sigh of relief. "I appreciate that."

"But I'm not like, stoked about it," he added, looking a little less serious now. "I trust you, but I'm not exactly thrilled to have my girlfriend go on a date with her ex."

Charlie crawled over to him, pushing him back into a laying position. "It's not a date. And maybe there's something I can do to take your mind off it, for now."

"I think that's the best idea you've had all day," Shawn agreed, smiling as she leaned down to kiss him.

Later that night when Charlie walked to her car, she felt her phone buzz. She opened up her text messages and saw a new message from Taylor, sitting right next to the unopened one she received earlier that day from Cassius.

I know it's late, can you talk? Taylor's text read.

Instead of responding, Charlie just called her.

"Hey!" Taylor answered the phone excitedly. "I miss you so much!"

"I miss you too! How's UW?" Charlie asked her.

They talked for almost half an hour. Charlie arrived home but she sat in her car to continue the conversation, because if she went inside, she'd wake everyone up. Taylor told her everything about her dorm, her roommate, her classes, the boys... she was having a blast. She had broken up with her boyfriend Ben over the summer, because they both agreed that long distance wasn't going to work for them. Especially since he was going to school on the other side of the country. Charlie was so happy to hear that her best friend was having the time of her life, she almost forgot about her own drama for a moment.

She finally got around to telling her about Cassius. Taylor absolutely flipped out when she revealed that he asked her to dinner.

"No! OH my god, what did you say?!" Taylor practically screamed.

"I said yes, almost automatically, before talking to Shawn," Charlie said.

"And have you told Shawn?" she asked.

"Yeah, just did. He's not happy about it, but he said he's not going to stop me if I want to go."

"Wow," Taylor said. "He's almost like, the polar opposite of Cassius. Cassius would have flipped out if it was the other way around."

"I know," Charlie bit her lip. "I think that's why I like Shawn so much."

"Well, do you think it's going to mess with your relationship if you go?" Taylor asked.

"I think if I can go and get closure with Cassius, and Shawn really doesn't get mad at me and blow up our relationship over it, then I'm gonna wanna marry him," Charlie answered, only half-joking.

"Damn girl, you're right, Taylor agreed. "I better be your maid of honor."

Charlie laughed, "Duh."

Once they got off the phone, Charlie finally clicked open the text message from Cassius. First things first, she would have to clarify that she had a boyfriend. If he still wanted to get dinner after that... well then, she would go. She looked at his text. 

It read, Are you free this weekend?

Free. What an interesting word for him to use. It was something she never felt when she was with him. But Shawn... Charlie felt like with Shawn, she was always free. Not free to date other people, but free to live her life without a leash. At least, she hoped she was. 

One way to find out. 

**Do you think Cassius will still want to go to dinner if Charlie tells him she has a boyfriend?