Chapter 19

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- The Moon -

Wednesday, December 21st, 2016 | 1:23 A.M.

I'm sure Luna is asleep.

Ronni started calling again. Didn't say why she stopped. Didn't even mention it.

She seems different. She sounds happy, and that's good, but she was never happy when she was here with me. Always annoyed or in a pissy mood. Always going off about something, but she sounds lighter. Relief maybe. I guess all I'm doing is tying her down. She waited how long before finally taking the job? Months. So much longer than she should have. She wanted to go, but felt guilty for leaving me. I know it. She denies it, but I know.

We used to be like a real couple. For the past few months I just felt like we were strangers living together.

About half a year ago I picked up smoking. It's bad. Just smoking is bad. It's bad. I know I rely on it. And that's bad. And I drink, but I normally don't go overboard. I was able to do enough of that in high school with Zach.

But I know I shouldn't. All these things. I know they're bad, but I do them anyway. I can't stop.

Sighing. I do a lot of that too now I suppose. Everything is just frustrating. Just take a breath they say. What does that do? It seems that every time I take a breath in I'm filling my body with chemicals and my mind with more problems.

Life itself is just a complicated mess. And that's some philosophical shit right there.

No one can help. I have to do this on my own. Not Zach, not Ronnie, not my parents, not anyone. But then Luna will slip into my mind and damn it. She's all I think about. Wanting to know more. That wanting of being closer to her. Wanting to know if she's okay though she's doing a hell of a lot better than myself.

I want to reach out, but I can't. Barriers, invisible personal barriers separate us. It hurts. The wanting of knowing and the lingering feeling of just wanting-more.

And just that alone can destroy a person.

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