I had the perfect boyfriend.
Okay I'm joking he was an arsehole, but not at the start. so how about we start at the begining?.
February 17th 2013
The first day me and Liam had met up alone without friends, sure i had met up with him plenty of times with friends, but this was the first time we were alone together, it was snowing and we were sat on top of the town hall in stockport, kinda pretty actually... even though Stockport is disgusting.
We were complaining about how cold it was, so he put his arm around as we watched the snow fall, and honesty I didn't think life would ever get more perfect.
But give it time seriously because perfect is so far from what this was, trust me.
Anyway as the day went on we kissed and stuff and whatever like you do, and yeah I went home an we were messaging on facebook, I kinda knew we were gonna get together.
Not a lot happened really untill 23rd feb... he asked me out face to face which was really really scary. I'd never ever been asked out never mind face to face.
So ovbiously coz I was so "love struck" I said yes.
And that's where It began. The misery the pain the hurt the abuse the mental torture.
Liam came round to my house to meet my mum (my dad's dead he died in august 2010) and my mum liked him at the begining, however he had argue with his mum an she kicked him out, which meant he stayed at mine and basically lived with us. It was all going really well, on my 18th birthday was the last day it was good.
We got drunk which was fun until the morning after. things starting turning sour like he would play mind games with me and force me to do things by using mind games but things didn't get really bad until I went to live with him in May 2013. I had abandoned my mums house whilst she was in hospital and ran away with Liam to him mums, his family were really lovely or so I thought, after being there for a about week things had turned awful. I don't want to slag his family off I really don't but fuck it.
His mum was a lazy bitch she did nothing she didn't clean or tidy the house was vile she had 2 dogs who pissed and shit where they liked, the dogs watched you eat, take food off your plate, bark grown fight.. it was horrible honestly I don't even know how I lasted there so long, and Liam? Well where do I start, he demanded sex EVERY NIGHT now as I said I was a virgin when I met him so it hurt, and every night it drove me crazy at the beginning I loved it but after about 3 weeks it got really boring and really tiring I mean mate constant sex every night come on what the fuck is that about? He even wanted it weekend morning when I didn't have to be up to take his mums kids to school oh yeah because she couldn't do it herself? For some reason?
Anyway the house was disgusting! Honestly we had to clean it once a week and when we did clean my god it looked amazing.
The worst thing? Me and Liam were supposed to hate a room with kids two younger brothers... What is that about?
They rarely slept in there though. but eventually Liam's mum got tired of us sleeping there so she made us sleep in a cold wet damp cellar, yup a cellar :) how nice right? We smelt like damp so badly.
I remember one day I went to visit my big brother his fiancé and there daughter, the house was really hot because it was summer time, I wanted to take my jumper off so I did, and as I did my t shirt lifted up to, and my brother just looked at my stomach and said "lucci why are you so skinny" because my stomach was none existant, my ribs were showing and my size 8 shorts were practically falling off my legs. why? Because at Liam's house we were fed once a day. tea time.
That was it so yeah I was really skinny and okay yes I've never been like fat but I was scary thin.
My hair was black so I looked ill.
I dyed it because I wanted to be gothic because Liam said goth girl were hot? You see the mind games yet?
He hints at something, something that would make me think, then I go do it? Right? Right so there's mind game number one planting the seed and letting me think it was my idea.
He would compare me to his exes.
All the time, he told me cheated on me too, he didn't and when I asked him the following day he said "that was just a test, to see if you were idiotic enough to stay with a cheater" so there's mind game number two testing, it was a 'test' who the fuck tests their partner? Fucking idiot. So I'm sorry for being insecure sometimes.
He was cruel man really cruel, he told me he hated me.
When I was 15, this guy almost raped me highlight the fucking word ALMOST well I think it's classed as sexual assault or unwanted physical contact maybe..
Anyway when I told Liam you know what he said? He said "you deserved it, you fucking slag, your disgusting, I can't even come near you" his exact words, and I'll never ever forget that because I know in my heart I didn't deserve it an I didn't ask for it. So I'm sorry I don't talk about things, I'm scared of being judged.
I can't even explain how much that hurt.
He used to go out with all his girl mates, an wind me up about it saying they're all prettier than me, better than me, he hung out with two of his exes.
He always used them against me. So I'm sorry you think I don't trust you, but I really really do. I promise.
Evil doesn't even describe him.
I love eminem right? And I had this eminem shirt an Liam said to me one night before I put it on to go to bed "I'm not coming near you while you've got that on" mind game number 3 emotional blackmail.
He never physically hit me, but he would raise his hand to me, on several occasions so I'm sorry if I flinch sometimes.
He shouted at me, now shouting from Liam was terrifying. I hate being shouted at even to this day. so when you raise your voice I'm sorry for getting scared.
He never told me I was pretty he said I was ugly, that he could do better. So I'm sorry for not accepting compliments, from you, they are truthful. I've been trained to believe I'm ugly, trained to be self conscious, trained to think I'm worthless, so for that I am sorry.
I'm sorry for saying sorry.
I'm sorry you don't understand because I don't explain properly.
I'm sorry I'm so negative.
I'm sorry I've been trained to be negative.
I'm sorry for everything, chris, I love you.
I'm not sorry about one thing though, I'm not sorry I found you, I'm not sorry for how much I love you, I'm not sorry about how quickly I fell for you, I'm not sorry for making up a lame excuse to talk to you, I'm not sorry for the way I feel about you. for this I'll never be sorry.
You different and that's what make you so special.
And that's it. that's the end of my story with liam.
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