Becoming Ready

Chapter 4 - The Void

**Content Warning: Mature content, this chapter contains a depiction of an alcohol overdose which may be upsetting for some readers. It's very short, but if you don't want to read, I completely understand, and you can skip to the next chapter. 

When he realized that she was holding a beer, Shawn was pretty shocked as well.

"I thought you didn't drink anymore?" he asked, looking confused and slightly hurt. Before they got back together, Charlie had broken up with Shawn over his drinking habits six months ago. She basically told him he was a bad influence. It was the whole reason he started going to AA in the first place. Finding her here with a drink in her hand was probably like a slap in his face.

"I – I know, I don't, but," Charlie started, but she had trouble finding the words. She wasn't even sure if she herself understood what just happened.

Shawn collected himself and nodded. "It's okay, Charlie. You're not in AA, I understand."

The first beer she drank was starting to get to her head. She felt strange and weird talking to Shawn, who was one hundred percent sober. It really highlighted the fact that she wasn't.

"I wanted to come surprise you, but I think I'm probably gonna head out," Shawn said, trying to be as diplomatic as possible. "Call me tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," was all she said. She watched him walk out the door.

She looked at the beer in her hand. Despite the fact that it seemed to be the source of all evil in that moment, she brought it to her lips and chugged it anyway.

At some point after that, Charlie started drinking shots of vodka, a cup of strong-smelling juice, and god knows what else. She began to black out.

She was conscious of the fact that she was lying down on her back, but that was about it. She felt strange, sort of out of her body, in a way. She was aware of it, but not quite attached to it. One thought permeated the darkness that surrounded her.

'I'm dying.'

She was perfectly fine with it, for some reason. She felt completely peaceful. The darkness that surrounded her felt less like darkness and more like... a void. There was absolutely no light there, it was utterly black, but somehow it felt familiar.

Suddenly, she started to hear voices far away. They were yelling her name. With a loud bang she fell back into her body. She could tell she was on her side, and she was throwing up. She still couldn't open her eyes but she could hear Taylor crying.

What felt like one second later, she found herself sitting on the floor of a shower, the water running all over her body. She looked down, realizing she was holding a bottle of shampoo. Or was it conditioner? She tried to read it, but she couldn't for some reason.

What seemed like another second later, Taylor was trying to help her put on a shirt. Taylor was drunk, but not nearly as drunk as Charlie. She said something about Charlie almost walking around naked but Taylor caught her before she got downstairs.

The next thing she knew, it was morning. Charlie was laying on one of the couches in John's living room. She blinked as her eyes adjusted. She saw several other people passed out in the living room around her. Blinding pain shot through her head and a wave of nausea threatened to overcome her. She lifted herself off the couch slowly and crawled toward the bathroom.

As she hugged the toilet bowl, she tried to piece together what had happened. She truly didn't understand how things had escalated so quickly. She couldn't remember almost anything except for little snapshots of the night here and there. She knew Shawn had shown up, but she also remembered that he left. She remembered Taylor crying.

All she knew at that moment was that she never wanted to drink again for the rest of her life.

**Ah I'm sorry about this. I don't like writing these kinds of chapters, but I do think it's important to be realistic about what alcoholism looks like, and just how dangerous it can be when you drink too much. All I can say is, I promise you will never see Charlie like this again! Xx