The Greenhouse [A Gaara Love Story]

3: Doubts of His Own

Shinki shifted uncomfortably in his seat, hands folded firmly in his lap as he looked around the dining room. Just as the rest of the house it was duly colored and sparsely decorated, the most exciting thing being the sliding door that separated them from the rest of the home. In the open archway that led to the kitchen he could see glimpses of them as they moved about preparing dinner and the smells that drifted into the room around him made his stomach all but roar.

He couldn't remember the last time he had sat at a table to eat, or even eaten something hotter than lukewarm. Hot food was a delicacy in his eyes, something hard to come by and even harder to make last. It made him feel out of place, planted a seed of guilt within him as he could do little more but sit and wait for it to be ready and served. Though he knew there was no way he could help, would likely be more of a burden than he was a hand, Shinki could not sit still knowing he could contribute nothing to the dinner being prepared. For not the first time in his short life he felt incredibly inconvenienced by both his age and the experience he lacked because of it.

The child wondered, for a fleeting minute, if perhaps they would teach him to cook. The young and hopeful part of him could imagine them showing him how to cut vegetables or stir broth, how to season and slice and they would do it all with ease. Momoko would laugh when he messed up, the kind and tender way he had seen mothers do, and maybe Gaara would smile with the same appreciation that all father's did. As soon as the image entered his mind in clarity, Shinki banished it away with a curl of his lip. It was stupid to imagine things like that, stupid to let himself get carried away with childish hope. He may have been young enough to excuse such things but Shinki was far too mentally old for his age, and therefore too old to dream.

He doubted there would ever be a moment like that for them, if the way things were was anything to go by. It had hardly been a day since they met and yet Shinki could already feel doubt beginning to settle within him. Though Gaara was known to be a merciful and kind leader, adored by the village and respected by his peers, there was a staleness to him that Shinki could not shake. He had been nothing but kind and understanding, but the only times Shinki had seen genuine softness on him was when it was directed towards his wife, who seemed to reserve her most human side for him as well.

For not the first time since meeting her, Shinki pondered the woman with an uncomfortable feeling inside of him. He had never seen a woman who didn't smile every few moments, didn't throw her head back with laughter or offer a warm kindness when they talked. No, Momoko had done little more than reassured him that they would try to give him a good life, but other than that she had been a cool composure of nervous indifference. She seemed as though he made her more uncomfortable than she made him, addressing Gaara more and only sparing Shinki a few glances here and there. Any words spoken to him were stiff, unsure, as though she had never encountered a child in her life. Maybe it was shallow to believe that all women would be kind by default, but the tension that Momoko carried within her was almost discouraging.

And yet there was that feeling within him that all children felt when it came to women who offered just the slightest sign of reassurance: that longing to be nurtured and cared for by them. Though Gaara had been the one to want to take him in and had shown him more kindness, Shinki could not deny the inclination he felt towards his wife. It could have been based on gender alone, or perhaps it was the slightest glimmer of kindness she had shown him in the hospital, but the young boy took an odd and unwarranted curiosity to her.

"Shinki," Gaara addressed him once he entered the room, hot bowls in his gloved hands, and the boy sat up straighter in his chair, "Dinner is ready, sit back."

The boy nodded without a word and leaned away in his seat so that he wouldn't get in the way of them setting things on the table. Gaara placed a bowl of rice and another of miso soup, and just as he pulled away Momoko was there to set the baked fish and steamed vegetables down too. The pair of them moved in and out of the kitchen, coming back with bowls and cups as Shinki sat uncomfortably at the table, until finally Gaara took his seat at the head as Momoko came in with a pot of tea.