Chapter 12-Being Honest With My Alpha
"So how are things going with you and Blake?" Eileen asks as she throws herself on my bed. My last day of punishment was yesterday so Eileen and I can finally hang out outside of school.
"Pretty good," I answer as a sit on the chair at my desk. I place my school bag on the desk before turning to face Eileen.
"Pretty good? That's it?"
"Um, yes? What do you want me to say?"
"Well I don't want you to hold back! I want to know all the little details!"
"Nothing has happened. We've talked a little during our classes and things are basically back to normal," I answer with a shrug.
"What's stopping it from being normal?"
"I'm not sure. He keeps looking at me like he wants to say something, but he always stops himself at the last second. He keeps mumbling to himself that it's not the right time. What does that mean?"
"I'm sure he'll tell you whatever it is soon." Eileen looks uncomfortable with my question.
"I know, but it's making me anxious. You know me, I like to know things before hand and in details so I'm always prepared."
"I know that you want to know whatever it is he has to say, but you need to give him time. You guys just met each other, you should just be focused on getting to know him. Everyone has their own secrets," she states, giving me a look. I bit my bottom lip.
She's right. Of course she is. She always is.
I still haven't told Blake everything that happened with me and him, and I'm honestly not sure I want to. I don't want him to think of me differently.
"I can't tell Blake what happened," I murmur while avoiding eye contact with her.
Eileen sits up and moves closer to me. She gives me a sympathetic smile and places her hand on my shoulder.
"Hey, look I know you still feel bad about everything that happened, but it wasn't your fault. You made one mistake, you can't keep blaming yourself. Some people just can't be fixed, no matter what you do to try and help them. Sometimes people want to stay the way they are, even if its destroying them and everyone they care about." I feel the familiar sting of tears in my eyes whenever I talk about him. My throat starts to close and I want to punch myself for still feeling this way. He's not worth my tears, he even told me this himself, so why can't I seem to get over it?
"Yeah I know. It still sucks though because I really thought I could help him. I thought he wanted to get better, but I guess old habits die hard," I answer with a shrug and a sad smile.
"Sorry for bringing him up. I know it's still a sore subject, but I do think it's important for you to tell Blake about him. I'm not saying it has to be tomorrow or something, but you should tell him eventually." A few tears spill from my eyes and I quickly wipe them away.
He doesn't deserve my tears.
"Ugh, I hate it when you're right," I joke, trying to release some of the tension that's in the room.
"I'm always right," she says with an eye roll. I giggle slightly and wipe my face again.
"I think I'm going to tell him soon. I want him to know. I think it'll make him trust me more and it'll make it easier for him to tell me whatever he's been trying to say to me." Eileen gives me a concerned look.
"Are you sure you want to do that? I'm sure he'll understand, but don't you think that's a little too soon? It took you weeks to tell me exactly what happened and we've been friends since we were in diapers."
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*this book has been on a super long hiatus for forever and i'm not sure when it will be finished. i do want to finish this story but i'm not sure when i'll be able to since life is crazy. i just wanted to post this warning since i've seen some comme...