I’m thankful for the break that we have before we take our finals. I have time to do things. I didn’t leave the house for one month and two weeks; I too can’t believe that I lasted that long at home, but, hey if you’re depressed and broken like me. I think you’ll manage.
Studying is the only thing that’s kept my busy and distracted.
I hate waking up each day, I hate opening my eyes and waking up to the reality of what happened; the death of my father and the break up. After that night we’ve spent together in their old house, I haven’t seen him since then. He kept calling and texting me, but I ignore it. I delete all of the voice mails he left and his messages unread. I keep telling myself that I’ll read it later, when I’m ready. I’ll face it when it’s time.
Who am I joking? I’ll never be ready, not now.
After my father’s funeral, my mum decided that she wants to have a break in all of this; she wants to unwind and relax. So, she made her decision to go on a trip to someplace far away. She told us that she’ll be back in time for my graduation.
That’s one thing that pisses me off more; she left when we needed her the most. She only thought about herself. I get that she’s mourning the death of my father, but to leave her kids; us for that long is just…. I don’t know.
It seems like the only person that has their shit together in this family’s Alex and he’s only 16. He sure as hell isn’t acting like a sixteen years old teenage boy who just lost his father and dealing with the crazy/broken sister and an MIA mum..
He’s been doing the chores, grocery shopping and stuff like that, since, I the older sister, can’t be bothered to leave her room, let alone the house.
I’ve been having these nightmares every time I sleep; it’s always the same scenes. Him and Allison, kissing, touching, doing stuff and if not that, it’s the other nightmare, it’s my dad, it’s the scene of him at the hospital, not breathing nor moving, nothing, he’s just lying there and I try to wake him up, I try to call for help but no voice comes out. Nothing, nobody hears. No one’s there, it’s just me… all alone and I wake up drenched in sweat and tears in my eyes.
So I only have naps, two to four hours of sleep.
The girls visits me twice every week, it’s the same routine, they come over for a sleep over then tells me what’s going on in their lives and what are the happenings out there. It’s the only time in a week that I actually make an effort to look somewhat presentable.
I feel bad that our friends had to pick sides; this is what’s hard when you’re dating someone that’s within your circle of friends. They had to pick sides, and clearly… the girls choose mine and boy’s his. Well, Tyler and Reed chose his, James and Josh. They’re kind of neutral I guess… because the other day, Josh was here with Andy and James has been coming more often than usual, he’s been coming alone and spending time with me, and never has he uttered about him.
Which is a good thing.
The torture to all of it was him, he kept coming here every day, the same time and Alex would send him home; every time. I think he does it on purpose to loudly close the door so I’d know that he’s leaving. Then, I’d go to the window and see him walking away, standing on that same spot for a second then leave.
There were times that I was weak, I admit. Times wherein, I wanted to see him, to… be in his arms, then I remember what he did and I hurt all over again.
If I can’t sleep at night, I always imagine what I felt that night, in their old house. When he has his arms around me, making me feel safe, knowing that… he’s there.
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We're like Fire and Rain (unedited)Teen Fiction
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