Encounters

Living through

I could be lieing if I said I like living. It's a whole ass torture you know. I am sometimes surprised at the fact that the religions threaten people by the possibility of going to hell... It's not like we are living in a better place you know.
"Hell is empty all the demons are here." Well most likely they brought the hell here with them. So there is no hell. We are its creators.

But if I said I am a very depressed person with all the self destructive thoughts and suicidal tendencies would be a lie as well.
I did try suicide, don't get me wrong. But... Well I dont need to say how they ended.
For some who didn't get it, I didn't die.

Instead I spent some years sitting in a god forsaken office and pretending to work so I won't be thrown out of the place.
In my 27 years of life I was never able to look at this life as a place where I needed to live and succeed.
Sometimes I think that dying would have been the best choice. But what if when I die I will wake up in some other shithole and be greeted with someone who will demand from me the month's rent for the room.
But the fact that I am still here makes me go on living. Just like every animal the urge to survive is rooted deep into our species as well.
The suicide is another way of surviving though, it's like cutting off a rotten limb. It hurts you and is useless, so why keep it, why suffer, but still try thinking that it may heal.
But in any case it is something that won't bring me salvation in anyway.

Well those and many other similar things are my usual matters for thinking.

I am usually a very chilled person, there wouldn't be anything to surprise me in this life anymore. I can relate to anyone and anything but it never helps anyone so who cares.
When I am at work I usually smile like an idiot so my coworkers think I am the happiest person in the world. Well maybe I am? Who knows... I once worked as a sales agent in a very big company but it was pretty hectic there. Everyone trying hard to succeed and reach something in their lives. I felt guilty that I didn't appreciate their struggle and effort, so I quit the place.
It's the office I talked about earlier.
They were all great people there and stuff. I still keep in touch with them sometimes. Well more like they do as they visit the bar I am working at now.

The face of the bar owner was pretty shocked when I gave her my resume applying for the position of the helper for the barista. She thought that I was playing games for applying to a bar with a work experience I had.
Maybe she was right. But does that matter? They needed someone to do the job of a receptionist to help the barista put on her full show without bothering about anything, and I needed a place to work for money.. win-win...
And I can't help it, every place I worked at started becoming pretty boring after a year or so. Quitting was the best choice. 
And also working in this bar isn't as dull and doesn't take too much effort. I don't like being busy because as you see I am lazy. And for a lazy person like me sitting at the counter and receiving checks and listening to people talk is the best.
And due to the fact that I always smile, people think I am very friendly.
And maybe I am who knows...

"Hey Jeremy, what the hell are you doing there, come out we have a customer."

This is my coworker: manager Simon.
Oh I forgot to say, Jeremy is me.

So yes Simon, he is a pretty ambitious guy, worked here as a waiter but got slowly promoted and now is the manager. He likes to order me around and act like he is my mother, but it doesn't matter much, I don't care.

"I'm coming." I shouted from the kitchen.

 I made an excuse to come here just because today we were offering some margarita cake and I wanted to try some before the day started.

Free food is always good and tastes better.

It was pretty early in the evening for any customer to show up, after all the bar got people coming starting from 9pm.