As mother nature continues her cosmically-endowed war of terror, mankind righteously or wrongeously keeps on trucking with what can only be explained as a deeply troubled, self-harmful, arguably suicidal glee in the face of utmost certain uncertainty. So for a lack of forethought, we decided to interview people inexplicably lining up along a freeway overpass, staring at the speeding traffic below with a familiar glee in and about the face, and this is what we decided they had to say.
"Did I leave the baby plugged in again?"
"I build miniature horses. The hardest part is taking them apart the first time."
"I once wrong-dialed the Astoria Best Western."
"I haven't slept the same since I drank my son's favorite goldfish."
"I don't mean to sound sexist, but if bear's are going to shit in the woods, the least they can do is bag it up like the rest of us."
"We're divorced in the sense that she isn't even aware she ever signed the marriage license in the first place."
"Just because someone puts something in their mouth doesn't mean they can spell it."
"I like to handcraft and photograph miniature dioramas around my navel. I didn't even know it was a fetish when I started, but now I'm making more money than I ever did as a carwash blogger."
"No, I mean in the sense that they point at nearby bits of metal."
"It is right now, yes. These days, once it gets going, I sort of let it do its own thing. You never know when it'll come around on its own again."
"I lost it in college. But they expelled me after I put up posters all over campus asking if anyone had seen it."
"I may vote against my own interest, and my now adult children want nothing else to do with me as I slip closer into the cold, lonely, and hopefully eternal embrace of nonexistence... but at least I'm not happy."
"I've seen the inside of many human bodies and the many secret delights therein."
"My kinks include competitive arts and crafts, loitering by strangers on the beach, taking out the trash, and sharing my kinks."
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A Complete Waste of TimeHumor
A Complete Waste of Time is a presentation of the not-entirely unerotic essays, rantings, ravings, and assorted sordid nonsense of "Amoral Crackpot" Steve Arviso. Not intended for human consumption. Void where prohibited.