It was the summer of 1990 and to say that a lot had happened over the last few years in Stevie’s life would have been an understatement.
It had all begun with her decision to admit herself to the Betty Ford clinic back in 1986, in order to finally break free from the years of substance abuse and an addiction to cocaine. Once out of rehab, Stevie had felt like a completely new person. Knowing that she had given herself another chance at a life, she went into talks and recording with Fleetwood Mac with a renewed sense of self-worth and a positively optimistic outlook for the next few years.
However, this was short-lived, as when in 1987, Lindsey decided to leave the band for what he says was ‘for good’, Stevie struggled to stay on-track with her newfound hopefulness. His decision had hit her like a tonne of bricks that came crashing down over her head with absolutely no warning whatsoever. After having completely turned her life around, Lindsey’s decision to leave the band felt like so much more than just that; to Stevie, it felt like he was leaving her for good.
And over the months that followed, that is exactly what happened.
Lindsey cut all contact with the band and all-but disappeared into oblivion, with absolutely no trace left behind of him. At first, Stevie’s anger had been so over-powering that she was unable to feel anything else towards him. It was not until they were half-way through the tour dates for ‘Tango In The Night’ that the underlying emotion finally came to the fore…her loneliness.
The months flew by and her loneliness only intensified, also exacerbated by the fact that she no longer received even half of the attention she used to get while on the road.
In the final months of her over-use of cocaine and after the debacle that was her ‘Red Rocks’ performance, Stevie had managed to push away so many of the people that were so close to her. Now having to deal with Lindsey’s disappearance, her loneliness had reached new heights and it had left her with a lot of alone time on her hands, whether she liked it or not.
The two following years were particularly difficult for Stevie; her doctor had prescribed her a drug which he said would help her to not return to cocaine, but Stevie actually found it had a strong calming effect on her and so continued to take it as per his request. This, though, had led to a weight-gain that Stevie had never experienced before and she had suddenly lost so much of that vibrant self-confidence that her performer alter-ego had always depended on on-stage, along with the attention of many of the men who had always fawned over her.
Now well and truly settling into another promotion storm for Fleetwood Mac’s new album ‘Behind The Mask’, Stevie’s loneliness had come back in full-force.
Of anything, one thought in particular had always seemed to play on her mind more than the rest, and that was her desire to have a baby. At the age of forty-two, Stevie was hardly in her prime and she knew it all too well.
With no man in her life and a niggling negativity that told her that no man would ever find her attractive again, Stevie had decided to take matters into her own hands. Her assistant, Karen, had organised a doctor’s appointment for Stevie and today was that day.
Stevie sat awkwardly in the doctor’s office waiting for him to return with the results of her tests.
“I am sorry to have kept you waiting, Ms Nicks,” the doctor announced as he swept into the office and sat down in his chair opposite her.
Stevie half-smiled and nodded at him, clearly apprehensive to learn the results of the tests.
“I have your test results here…” he said, slipping a few papers out from a brown envelop and surveying them closely.
“What do they say?” Stevie squeaked impatiently.
The doctor’s brow furrowed and he began underlining and highlighting words and numbers, before he took a deep breath and clasped his hands together purposefully.
“Ms Nicks, I’m afraid it’s not good news.”
And that was all he had to say.
Between drifting in and out of listening to what he had to say about her ‘Hostile Uterus Syndrome’, or how her ‘body would attack any newly-conceived foetuses’, or how the ‘chances of conceiving and carrying to term are extremely low’; Stevie knew that she had missed her last chance, her time was up and the dream was suddenly gone.
The news had hit Stevie hard and if she had thought she felt lonely before, it was nothing compared to the solitude she felt now, cooped up in her house all-day save for the odd interview here and there.
Her salvation came in the form of a short break in the promotion of the new album. In a matter of hours, she had packed up her things and was on her way to Maui to relax and unwind, and most importantly, to think about what it was that she wanted the most in her life.
A/N: So this is something new I'm working on, and hope to update it really regularly over the next while! Let me know what you guys think!